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Ielts Writing Task 1: the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester

Nguyet Tran 4 / 8 1  
Feb 16, 2020   #1

popular activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007

The bar chart illustrates the amount of time that adolescents dedicated for particular activities weekly in Chester from 2002 to 2007. Units are measured in hours.

Overall, it is noticeable that the youngsters spent most hours for watching TV over the years. Meanwhile, time consuming for bowling consistently stood at the lowest. In addition, these activities time such as going to pubs and shopping had climbing trends whereas doing homework, sport, watching DVDs kept decreasing throughout the period.

In 2002, time for watching television already reached the highest rate compared to other activities which accounted for 25 hours per week. This statistic still remained the same in 2003 then rose gradually to a peak of around 37 hours in 2007. In contrast, 2002 saw just under 5 hours in bowling each week. During the timeframe, there were fluctuations on the consuming time until it dropped to nearly one hour weekly in 2007.

Regarding to other leisure activities like going to pubs and shopping ,the figures showed significant leaps, especially discos time rocketing to around ten more hours from 2002 to 2007. The remaining activities fell gradually excepting for watching DVDs which recorded a rise of about 17 hours in 2004, however, 2007 witnessed a plunge of exactly 10 hours,nearly the same with the start of the period.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,686 4117  
Feb 16, 2020   #2
You forgot to indicate that this is a color coded bar chart and that the comparisons were to be done per activity, based on the year indicated in the graph for the activity. That is a slight oversight that could have made the data presentation more precise and actually could have helped you present a clearer comparison for the reader and increased the TA score for your work. Good work with the analysis just the same though.

I believe that you went overtime with the writing of this analysis essay. You wrote over 200 words. Since you only have 20 minutes to complete this task, the most you could have written, while allowing time for review and editing, would have been between 175-200 words. Please make sure to time yourself during the practice runs. Make sure that you leave at least 3-5 minutes for the review and editing of your work. It is important that you review and edit so that you can correct any errors that could affect your final score in an overall capacity. Why am I asking you to do that?

Well, in this essay, you used several run-on sentences, which would have dramatically decreased your GRA and C&C score. The length of the sentence will not improve your score if it leaves the examiner confused about the information being presented. You need to be clear in your data presentation and the best way to do that is to make sure you have only one topic per sentence and one explanation per sentence. Don't try to do too much in every sentence. Keep it simple, your score will be better for it.
aprilmk 3 / 4 2  
Feb 16, 2020   #3
To me, you should replace spend most hours for on watching;
- had climbing --> climbed as this activity was in past and had time exactly;
- this sentence should be " in contrast, 2002 this chart showed just under 5 hours ..." so it is more suitable.

And finally, I totally agree with Holt, but you should take notice of grammar.

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