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TOEFL - HOUSE OR BUSINESS? Which do you prefer more?


hakuyo1112 6 / 9  
Feb 28, 2014   #1
If there was an option to choose between a house and a business, without a doubt I would decide to buy a house for a number of reasons. As we all are aware of, a house is a place that makes us feel calm and placid, while requiring no special care and cost. Therefore, in this essay I will explain the benefits of buying a house with the money given rather than a business.

First of all, as a dreamer who imagines living in her own house with innovative designs and modern furniture, purchasing a house is the most appropriate choice. Before buying my dream house, I would consider the location, size and comfortableness of it by researching thoroughly. It must be situated in rural area surrounded by fresh air. In my national country, it is expensive to own a house in countryside than in a city due to the natural environment. Therefore, with this opportunity, I would able to secure an expensive house of my own.

Another reason why I would prefer to own a house rather than a business is that setting up a business is such a risky task making one feel over-pressured, stressed and busy. However, every single person on this planet feels comfortable and happy at the thought of lying in a warm cozy sofa while drinking homemade latte. As an introverted person, it is my ideal type of living.

It is an undeniable fact that the only thing that remains in the same place is a house and once people possess a house, it is almost impossible to lose it. However, a business can be sometimes threatening and dangerous as with a simple mistake, it can be completely eliminated from its roots while leaving debt.

Taking into account of all these benefits, one can infer that purchasing a house with the money provided is a better choice of action than purchasing a business. Imagine living comfortable in your own house, specifically designed for you while relaxing and having fun with no pressure and no demanding work.

Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Feb 28, 2014   #2
Hey, you display good writing skills. However, I like if you stated your opinion in the last line of your introduction.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 4, 2014   #3
I agree with Pahan :) You have excellent writing skills. I like your intro up to the point;

If there was an option to choose between a house and a business..

I think it is better if you did away with;

This is very well written. But you could have brought out the reason better. Your reason here is that this opportunity would help you make your dream a reality. So, say that very clearly in the beginning of the para, and then support it with your examples. You've done that to some extent (Example part is fine) but you have not given enough emphasis on the reason.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Mar 23, 2014   #4
in this essay I will explain the benefits of buying a house with the money given rather than a business

There is no point in this phrase in your sentences. You better omit.

It is an undeniable fact that the only thing that remains in the same place is a house and once people possess a house, itwhich is almost impossible to lose it. However, a business can be sometimes threatening and dangerous as with a simple mistake, it This can be completely eliminated from its roots while leaving debt.

I see there are run-on sentences (visit this link to learn more: grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm). However, I make small changes.


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