Unanswered [12] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Each househole and family produces a large amount of rubbish every week [IELTS]


trandangkhoa 1 / 3  
Nov 23, 2017   #1
Could you please evaluate my essay and give me some feedbacks ?
I'm highly appreciated for every single comment, thank you.

Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish.


Why do you think this is happening?
What can governments do to help reduce the amount of rubbish produced?


Recent surveys indicate that in almost every country nowadays each househole and family produces a large amount of rubbish every week. The majority of this waste comes from the packaging from the things we buy, such as processed food. But even if we buy fesh food without packaging, we still produce rubbish from the plastic bags used to carry shopping home.

The major trigger to why we have to use so much packaging is that we consume a greater amount on a daily basis than families did in the past.

Furthermore, needless to say that convenience is a privilege of modern life. In this regard, we buy packaging and canned food that can be transported readily between places, and stored until we need it.

However, in my perspective, it is also a result of our tendency to use something once and throw it away. Even the cheapest plastic bag requires valuable resources and energy to produce, people might not know that it is a source of pollution and difficult to dispose of as well.

To address the problem in question, as citizens, we should make a concerted effort together with the government. Children should get educated about environmental hassles, on the other hand, adults take action. By means of putting taxes on packaging and providing a wide range of recycling system, i entirely believe we can save our society.

In light of the fact, nobody wants our planet poisoned by waste. If we persist on facing it, this phenomenon will be reversed gradually.
aviniwirastri [Contributor] 10 / 35 11  
Nov 23, 2017   #2
paragraph 1
househole = household (typo)
... from the things we buy = it would be best replaced by "products"
we buy fesh food = fresh (typo)

comments :
1. try to avoid typo, so watch out your spelling. it seems trivial, but if you do it many times, it will not be any good.

2. i do not see any thesis statement in your intro. try to answer the question in general and put it on the intro paragraph, so readers will know what you will discuss.


3. paragraphing
group the idea and organize the paragraph well. i don't see good paragraphing here, you jump from one idea to another idea.
make, at least, 2 full body paragraphs properly!


....Children should get educated...... replaced = "be"

comments :
4. you don't answer all of the questions.
"... reduce the amount of rubbish produced?", this question is not answered in detail.

advice : you don't need to write directly, carefully concept and plan the idea first!, then write.
frankovidaxt 2 / 3  
Nov 23, 2017   #3
household is true
... almost every country nowadays each househole and family ... ( this is not clear)

we consume a greater amount on a daily ... ( amount of what ?)
Furthermore, needless to say that ( this can be omitted )
OP trandangkhoa 1 / 3  
Nov 23, 2017   #4
Thank you for your help, wish you have a great day
Codex1717 7 / 17  
Nov 23, 2017   #5
you were not clear about the role of the government in solving the problem. the role of citizens should only come as an addition.
you were talking about putting taxes on packaging and creating a better recycling system.
i think you should build on that


Home / Writing Feedback / Each househole and family produces a large amount of rubbish every week [IELTS]