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More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing populations.


kurianjoseph1 8 / 18 7  
Nov 19, 2012   #1
Hi all,

I am practicing IELTS test. Appreciate it if you could correct my essay and give some suggestions.
-Thanks

More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing populations. Would it be better to build houses in existing towns and cities, or to develop new towns in rural areas?

There no doubt that over population has been a major concern in many countries. The trend is that many people are relocating to cities for better job opportunities and better life. As such, some people assert that it is wise to build more houses and apartments in the cities to accommodate everyone. In my view, it is better to develop new town in rural areas for better job opportunities and development.

The plausible reason why some people disaccord with this view is mainly because more space is needed to accommodate new migrants in urban areas. When these people migrate to cities it would be extremely difficult to find a place to stay as the place is already congested with existing people. In order to avoid this, more apartments and houses should be built in order to provide accommodation to the new ones.

The counter argument is that it would be wise to develop new towns in rural areas instead of building more houses. The reason is that building more towns in regional areas benefit the people by increasing the chance of new employment opportunities and develop new businesses. Evidently, a community is formed which widens the scope of economic development in these areas Apart from this, the congestion and the problem of over population in the cities can be avoided to a certain extent.

If we look at both sides of the argument, developing new town in rural regions have more positive outcome rather than building more houses and apartments in the existing developed cities. It is hoped that more people will migrate to rural regions and increase the scope of development

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Nov 19, 2012   #2
There no doubt that over population has been become a major concern in many countries.

------ when you say "has been" it refers to a problem of the past. That's the reason why I introduced the word "become"

Very good introduction and you follow the expected structure for this type of task.

You have good writing skills.... however, try to include examples to support your reasons.
: )
Shirley0426007 6 / 13  
Nov 19, 2012   #3
The plausible reason why some people disaccord with this view is mainly because more space is needed to accommodate new migrants in urban areas.ïźˆreason why, is the same meaning with because,they can't use in one sentence ïź‰ When these people migrate to cities it would be extremely difficult to find a place to stay as the place is already congested with existing people. In order to avoid this, more apartments and houses should be built in order to provide accommodation to the new ones.
OP kurianjoseph1 8 / 18 7  
Nov 19, 2012   #4
Thanks dumi and shirley for the feedback .
I am bad with writing examples. Whenever i try to write an example it always goes off topic. Any suggestions to improve this ?
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Nov 19, 2012   #5
I am bad with writing examples. Whenever i try to write an example it always goes off topic. Any suggestions to improve this ?

I dont think you are bad with examples. :D ....I just that you think about serious stuff and haven't given much attention to simple stuff :D

Well... let's take this line;

When these people migrate to cities it would be extremely difficult to find a place to stay as the place is already congested with existing people.

Give an example of a congested city. For example, let's say Mumbai (I doubt whether there can be any other to beat Mumbai :D ) So you can say;

In order to avoid this, more apartments and houses should be built in order to provide accommodation to the new ones. For example, in Mumbai, which is one of most populated cities in India, you cannot find separate housing units. Instead, there are apartments that provide the best solution to accommodate housing requirements amidst the scarcity of land.
OP kurianjoseph1 8 / 18 7  
Nov 19, 2012   #6
Thanks dumi. Looks like I need to practice more and give attention to simple stuff :)
sidraziaahmad 1 / 2  
Nov 19, 2012   #7
There no doubt that over ... I think it should be there is no doubt
You structure of essay is brilliant. As it is divided into paragraphs.
Only things missing is examples
joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Nov 19, 2012   #8
Hai kurian..

Nice essay..

Well organized...

If you want two more ideas in favour of new towns..
:it will help in reducing the number of people migrating to big cities, there by reduce traffic problems and pollution.

:improve the living conditions in the countryside..

Keep on practiceing
Best of luck...


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