Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 11


IELTS Task I : Housing owned and rented in UK


SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 7, 2014   #1
Appreciate for correction :)

The given chart below shows the information about the housing owned and rented in 1985 and 2005 by British people.

However, the overall growth numbers of housing in UK increased dramatically in over 20 years with fascinating number by 22 per cent increasing.
In 1985, the pie chart also showed private owned housing as the top most percentage by more than 50 per cent while social housing became the least by 10 per cent resident prefer lived there. On the other hand, people who chose for stay in the council rented were 45 percent, and in the private house lived was 25 percent.

The differences of each group member occurred in the next 20 years period. Despite decreasing number of council rented housing, yet there were rising number among trends. Privately owned housing increased to nearly 75 percent while privately rented reached 15 per cent and 5 percent is gained by social housing.



MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Feb 8, 2014   #2
percentage British owned housing and rented

the proportion of housing owned and rented in the UK

Then, this measure involves four groups including privately owned, council rented, privately rented and social housing.

It's not necessary to have a separate sentence to talk about the four sorts of houses involved. Instead, you could merge this sentence with your previous one.

numbers of housing in UK have dramatically increased in over 20 years

Overall, the house numbers in the UK increased dramatically over 20 years.

This succeeds marked the developing in UK economical growth.

This sentence is irrelevant to the chart.

From the data, UK dweller was capable enough in their shelter primary needs

,

However, not every UK inhabitant can afford housing for themselves. As effective effort, government initiate the social housing thus the indigent can rent with low price.

Again, these two sentences are not related to what the task requires you to do. You should focus on

describing the main features of the charts

and

making comparisons where appropriate

to summarize the information. There's no need to have interpretations or deductions from the given data. Also, pay attention to your grammar.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Feb 9, 2014   #3
The two charts compare percentage of British owned housing and rented in 1985 and 2005. Then, this measure involves four groups including privately owned, council rented, privately rented and social housing .

The two charts present the percentage of housing owned and rented by British people in 1985 and 2005.

Overall, numbers of housing in UK have dramatically increased in over 20 years. This succeeds marked the developing in UK economical growth .

This task is about report writing and that involves reporting your observations. Here you do not talk about things that are not graphically presented. Also, you shouldn't write about your conclusions or predictions.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Feb 9, 2014   #4
Both dumi and Misterwandering have given you very good advice. Pay attention to those points. Do not write anything that you do not see in the presentation. Do not write your conclusions. Stick to the trends and observations. In addition to what they have said, I also feel you should have another body paragraph with details.

while council was rose down slightly for more than half from previous measure.

This is wrong grammar and usage both;
rose is the past tense of rise, which means move from a lower position to a higher one. So, you can simply can't say rose down because it violates its meaning. Also the grammatically right form is - "was risen"
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Feb 11, 2014   #5
The given chart below

However, the overall growth numbers of housing in UK increased dramatically in over 20 years with fascinating number by 22 per cent increasing.

"However" is used when you want to state an opposite opinion. This is not appropriate in your overview paragraph here. Also, there's no need to give data in your overview.

In 1985, the pie chart also showed shows

There are two pie charts, so you should clarify which chart you are mentioning.

the top most percentage

the most popular type

became the least

was the least

by more than 50 per cent

at 50 per cent

In 1985, the pie chart also showed private owned housing as the top most percentage by more than 50 per cent while social housing became the least by 10 per cent resident prefer lived there.

This sentence has several grammatical mistakes.
In 1985, private owned houses took up over 50 per cent of the total number of houses, while the proportion of social housing was the lowest, at 10 per cent.

On the other hand , people who chose for stay in the council rented were 45 percent, and in the private house lived was 25 percent.

The charts are not about the people but the percentage of four kinds of houses.

yet there were rising number among trends

This sentence is really confusing. What do you mean by "rising number among trends"?
Hope this helps!
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 12, 2014   #6
n 1985, the pie chart also showed shows
There are two pie charts, so you should clarify which chart you are mentioning.

I try to mention which chart with "1985". As far as my observation there are only two charts 1985 and 2005

by more than 50 per cent
at 50 per cent

this not exactly 50 per cent so I use "more than"

The charts are not about the people but the percentage of four kinds of houses.

I mist this

yet there were rising number among trends
This sentence is really confusing. What do you mean by "rising number among trends"?

I want to talk only council rented was decrease while other trend in the same time was increased.

by the way, you are very peruse about mine MisterWandering. Thank you much :)
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Feb 12, 2014   #7
As far as my observation there are only two charts 1985 and 2005

I see. However, you don't need to use "the pie chart shows" again here. Instead, you could write direct sentences to describe the charts.

this not exactly 50 per cent so I use "more than"

Actually, I wanted to say that the preposition "by" is not appropriate in this case.
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 15, 2014   #8
you could write direct sentences to describe the charts.

you observe my writing very well MisterWandering. thank you
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Feb 23, 2014   #9
Then, this measure involves four groups

I am not sure enough this is the appropriate word.

This succeeds marked the developing in UK economical growth

If you could, try not to stick your personal statement here. Measure this task objectively.

from 5 percent to 15 percent in 2005.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Feb 24, 2014   #10
However,theThe overall growth of the numbers of housing in UK increased dramatically in overduring the 20 years with fascinating number by 22 per cent increasing.year period.

In 1985, the pie chartalsoshowed private owned housing ashad been at the top most percentage bywhich was more than 50 per cent while social housing becamehad been the least bybeing 10 per cent resident prefer lived there.On the other hand,P eople who chose for stay in the council rented were 45 percent, and in the private house lived was 25 percent.

You should adopt a tone of reporting.
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 25, 2014   #11
Measure this task objectively.

You should adopt a tone of reporting.

hihihihi :D, my weakness


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task I : Housing owned and rented in UK
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳