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Human activity is more pleasure due to the sophisticated existence of Internet


Hary01 12 / 13 2  
Aug 31, 2016   #1
The internet has made human lives more convenient. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

Human activity is more pleasure due to the sophisticated internet existence. I would stand to proponent with the notion because the presence of the internet has totally changed marketing and communication system in this world.

The great advantage of the internet is online shopping. Online shopping appeared as a smart solution for condition today which people very busy and have a less time. Online shopping enable people to fulfill various live necessities such gadgets, electronic goods, foods even plants and pets. As an example is tokopedia. Tokopedia is one of the popular online marketing services in Indonesia. Many people use online shopping to purchase any goods because of several motives. Online shopping offer cheaper prices than conventional shopping because the products come directly from the manufactures. Online shopping is very simple because people can do transaction anytime through navigate a website without go to the market and spend much energy.

In addition, the benefit of the internet existence is communication system. Over decades, people had to go post office on work hour to send a message. Since the internet founded first time, communication has been easier by appearing several communication media. For instance is social media such face book. Through face book people can send a message instantly whenever and wherever through a desktop PC or smartphone. People can this service to keep in touch with mates, share information, photo, music and video.

In conclusion, I believe that human business is easily to be done due to the existence of cutting-edge internet. This is can be seen on the advance of marketing and communication system which have made human live more simple and instant. Human should make the best use of internet to attain the god live.

Beauty17 56 / 88 5  
Aug 31, 2016   #2
Haloo hary.. here some corrections from me..
Paragraph 1 :
. I would stand to proponent (agree ->> i think it becomes stronger steatment than only use proponent. I am more likely if you put proponent in body paragraph).

Paragraph 2

Many people use online shopping to purchase any (some->> any is used in negative or question steatment) goods because of several motives.

I think i did not find a concession in your essay. You can give a concession in the last paragraph of each body paragraph. Concession almost same like conclusion but it's different. I can say it likes comparison between your agreement notion and your disagreement even it in balances essay. I hope i could explain it clearly if face to face with you.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Aug 31, 2016   #3
Human activity is more pleasure due to ...

If I were you, then I would develop my paragraph with at least three sentences. This way helps you gain more score in coherence.

Since this is the second prompt that I find here in a row, I won't discuss the intro in details. Simply check my ideas related to the opening paragraph here: https://essayforum.com/writing/internet-made-human-lives-convenient-70420/

The great advantage of the internet is online shopping

This does not go hand in hand with the thesis statement. Try to align your thesis with the topic sentence.

Online shopping appeared

You need to write this with present tense, not the past one.

Online shopping enable people to fulfill various live necessities

... ENABLES ... DAILY ...

tokopedia.com.

IELTS is an international exam, meaning that it is your task to discuss worldwide common issues. Instead of talking about TOKOPEDIA.COM, why don't you think of AMAZON.COM???

I suggest reading sample answers as many as you can. This helps you improve your grammar, vocabulary and ideas in conjunction with IELTS essays. Hope this helps :D

a heap of luck


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