I am struggle with paragraphing and word choice. I'm really thankful if you take a look at my essay and give me some advices to improve.
how to deal climate change problem?
Topic: Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extend do you agree or disagree ?
Today, climate change has sparked a considerable public debate that whether should human-beings propose optimum solutions for preventing this issue or finding other habitable planets. Although extreme climate can exert detrimental effects, some feasible solutions can be utilized to address it.
There are some problems inherent in the rise of climate change. Animals extinction is directly affected by global warming. According to many recent studies, ecologists estimated that approximately 150 to 200 species become extinct every day. On the other hand, along with this issue, human life might be threatened. For example, when one species disappeared, the food chain will become imbalance. Therefore, the human might be the potential prey for carnivores. Mentioned in The Guardian times about the numerous cases that polar bears wandered in human settled areas, finding for food, due to the unprecedented short winter, in the north of both Russia and Canada. In the most tragic anticipation, many scientists claim that, if the two poles completely melted, human civilization has to face with land encroachment, coexisting deathly diseases and famine.
Nevertheless, these mentioned situations can be remedied, provided that some reasonable steps are taken. In the realm of natural study, investigators stated that gas emission from factories has been flaunting its contribution to global warming. Therefore, by reducing the amount of carbon released, extreme natural events can be converted. For instance, we should promote eco-friendly products. Besides, developing a low-carbon economy by using efficient-fuel machines should be imposed in policy to revitalize the dying earth.
In conclusion, climate change is set to make the earth in grave trouble. Tackling this problem will need a join hand effort from all people, and we can make a positive change while seeking for other planets seemed to be futile.
Hey, welcome here! I will give feedback on your writing.
When it comes to the appropriate word choices, I have observed that you have a tendency to over-complicate your language. While it certainly doesn't have an absolutely dreadful impact to your writing, it does slightly affect the way that your writing will be received. For example, observe how the concluding remarks were written. Instead of mentioning blatantly that there is "grave trouble" to appear as though there's an impending concern, you could have expounded this through specifying the details laid out.
Also, try not to leave pieces of information just hanging around in the open. For example, you mentioned the use of eco-friendly products, however you left it just hanging around afterward without explaining even briefly how this correlates with the rest of the text. Remember that depth is more important than scattered information that's unexplained as this is the ultimate determiner of the writing's reciprocation.