Please revise my essay. I really need feedback to improve my writing skill
I am preparing for an exam, so please help me
The question is thatSome people believe that the earth is being harmed (damaged) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the earth a better place to live. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Human is a threat to an another human
In my view, human activities are detrimental to the earth. Many chemical industries bring about air, water and noise pollutants to people living in a nearby community. Without concrete measures to solve these problems, people are not able to lead a happy and stable life.
To begin with, an oil refinery located near a village can expel dangerous substances which destroy respiratory system. To illustrate, my friend, john, live within a mile away from a TPI Oil factory. When going to work, he has to walk past the factory every day. After doing this for a month, he has a problem with breathing system. An air passage tends to be sore and small dust is deposited in it. This difficulty causes him to go to a hospital every so that he cannot continue the routine life.
Furthermore, a trash recycling factory located near the canal discharge waste water which triggers stomach problems among local people. For example, one of my neighbors, Mr Kong, always takes a bath in the canal every evening. After a Sam Recycle factory is established, it releases tons of dirty water to the canal, which causes a skin allergy to people who swim in the canal. They are admitted into a hospital immediately because of his unusual skin cancer. They have to drop out of a school and their parents must pay more money to heal them.
More importantly, a stone mill near a village affects lifestyles of people living nearby. For instance, my aunt who has had a serene life near a mountain for a long time cannot lead a normal life after The TAK mill factory is built. As drilling rock every day to export to foreign countries, it triggers noise that has a severe effect on a local school. Students there cannot continue their studying so that they will not have a chance to further higher education.
In conclusion, there are a lot of tremendous problems brought about by a chemical factory. It forces people to move to other areas with a tranquil atmosphere suitable for a living, eliminates local lifestyles of swimming in a canal, which is not easily seen, and affects improving knowledge of people not having an opportunity to study in a city.