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Humanistic Approach to Apply Law for Human - IELTS Writing Task 2

ayibram 6 / 16 2  
Oct 1, 2017   #1
Some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both of these two views and give your own opinion.

punishment for criminals

There is a debate between people about the kind of law that apply to the crime person. Some argue that we need to consider other factors behind a criminal activity and apply a flexible punishment rather than a fixed law. In my opinion, while giving fixed punishment will be easier for the judges to decide the punishment, the custom-law is more humanistic and tend to more wish to apply in human life.

On the one hand, the way to apply fixed punishment for crimes is likely to make sense. For each type of crimes has the guidebook about the detail that lawbreakers will get by doing a specific activity against the law. It also will make the work of judges easier than apply customized punishment. The judges are not required to consider another thing that may strengthen one position in one case of criminals. It seems to be more efficient when judges will only refer to the lawbook that the nation has.

On the other hand, fixed punishments are likely to have some weaknesses. Without considering the motivation and the environment where the individual crime does the wrong thing, it will lose the sense of objectivity. Furthermore, customize the law that considering other reasons why a person doing crime will make the law more humanistic and human-centered. When the judges refer to the lawbook and considering other factors behind the motive, it will make punishment fairer rather refer to the lawbook only. The benefit is not only for the crime person but also the judge because the judge will feel calmer after considering many things before deciding one case of criminals.

In conclusion, applying a fixed law obviously will be easier for judges to decide a punishment, yet it will lose the sense of objectivity. It is better to apply a flexible law as it tends to be more humanistic and will be fairer for both the judges and the crimes.

thank you for the feedback, I write this in 40 minutes and still hard to find the better idea
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,585 3757  
Oct 1, 2017   #2
Aulia, there is an improvement to your paraphrasing, but you still made a mistake in representing the discussion instruction. This forced an error on your part in the actual discussion of your essay. The thesis statement for your presentation should have indicated your own words that describe; "Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion." For instance, you could have said;

...fixed law. This essay will analyze this subject matter by analyzing both points of view before I offer my own point of view towards the end of the essay.

First point of view has valid points such as...

While the second point of view indicates...

My opinion, is that...

Your content is good but not properly presented. So you are slowly improving your work. The problem points remain the same when it comes to the discussion instruction. So focus on your English comprehension skills with regards to that area of the prompt requirements. Make the extra effort to get an explanation of how you should discuss the essay so that you can finally, improve to the point where you can finally focus on just improving your content in the presentation.
OP ayibram 6 / 16 2  
Oct 4, 2017   #3
Dear Mary Rose, Thank you very much for your feedback. I'll check again my background statement and will revise it. I found your comment in every thread very matter for us. Many thanks

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