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Humankind has undergone many changes in the eating habit - food is easier to prepare

thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Nov 20, 2009   #1
i am preparing for ielts, and i really worry about my writing. please check for my grammar, structures and logic. i am happy to see your comments

thanks so much

Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live?

Humankind has undergone many changes in the eating habit from the period w
hen he hunted for himself to era when he has become dependent on processed food. Obviously, it has become easier to prepare nowadays. However, whether or not this change has improve people'lives is controversial.

To begin with, preparation for food, now, is much easier than ever before. With the development of technology, there are more and more equipment which helps people cook a meal easily such as stoves, microwaves cooking, refrigerators. For my country for an example; rice is a dish which cannot be absent in our daily meals, and with electronic cookers, it is so easy to prepare that a little child can do it. All things he needs to do is put rice and water into the cooker and press a button, then it takes only about fifteen minutes to have a dish. Furthermore, there are more and more processed food or cooked food, and with those foods, to prepare a meal is becoming not only easier, but also faster. taking my favourite dish for an example, it is called nuddle, and it is really simple to prepare: put it into a bowl then pour boiled water into and wait about five minutes I can have a meal.

This change, in fact, make the life of busy people more convenient. Instead of spending hours for preparation in the past, now, people can have a meal by themselves just in short time with some special equipment and precooked foods. People can use refridge to save time for going to stores to buy food. In the past, they have to buy food every day because they could not store food in their home for long time; however, now they can buy food enough for a week without worrying whether food is going to spoilt with a refridge. It means that people have more time for working, relaxing or studying.

However, personally, I do not think that this change has improve our lives. In fact, this convenience can cause some health problems and one of the outstanding one is the increase in the number of over weight people recently. People have eaten so much fast foods for precooked foods which contain so much sugar, and fatty nutrient.

In conclusion, the change in the way people prepare food makes our live more convenient, especially for busy people. However, it does not mean that this change has improve living standard of humankind.

meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
Nov 21, 2009   #2
gahhhh! I spent an hour typing stuff up and the browser messed up. o well, guess u'll have to deal with a shorter very short version :| I had it all nicely formatted too.. very disappointing :| guess i'll edit on notepad next time. stupid me :|

sorry, i'm not gonna try fixing grammar this time around. hope someone else will help with that.

your intro needs to present your own voice. change period to time. "Man's eating habits have greatly changed since the time when he hunted for himself." while interesting, does this support your main point? sure, habits have changed, but what else? try not to spit the prompt back out. try internalizing it, then stating your own ideas.

your second paragraph only includes examples of how technology has improved life, not much analysis about them and how they are applied..until the third paragraph.

third paragraph has a strong topic sentence. good use of more examples. but that "In the past..." sentence doesn't quite fit there. taking that sentence out/revising it and the next one would help. good last sentence for that paragraph.

fourth paragraph presents your own opinion about food processing. bit late in the essay dont you think? say this earlier.. that although food processing is easier, the negative affects resulting from this change overrides the benefits. last sentence needs some improving. need to show in words why those sugars, fatty nutrients are bad. maybe that they decrease people's normal body functions, that they break family's down that used to eat at a table together, that they build up in the body and cause people to no longer function as they want, etc

your conclusion is fairly weak. sorry :| the bulk of your essay is about food preparation being helpful. your conclusion is based on 3 lines about the negative affects of that aid. Fix fix fix!

so you do show that food being easier to prepare is not necessarily good, but you need to state that in a stronger way.

gl. im tired :|

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