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IELTS TASK 2 - Today, humans who are staying in big towns must be confronted with lots of challenge.

annanthaayu 7 / 12 4  
Dec 17, 2018   #1

People living in large cities have to face many problems in everyday life.

What are those problems? Should the government encourage people to move regional towns?

Today, humans who are staying in big towns must be confronted with lots of challenge. The major cause is pollution that produce from air, noise, and water. Consequently, people must be faced the congestion on the highway in every single day. Therefore, the governance should be considered about displacing the residents to regional areas, however, it will not always be a great solution to solve this matter.

First of all, the increasing of total number in vehicles and the air and noise pollution are interrelated and inseparable problems. The low price and the necessity of private transport growth significantly every year. Following this, the government should be deliberated an attempt to diminishing the individual's vehicles. Adding more public transports with adequate facilities is one of the best solution for this issue. The human can breath more fresh air and avoid the noise because the pollution become lower. Besides, the jamming that usually occur on the road can be evaded.

Generally, the water pollution is delivered from the household and the factory which is exist in big cities. People throw the household waste to the river that outraging the water. If individuals consume the polluted water, they will be poisoned. Besides, several companies also dispose the garbage to the stream without processing. Regarding to this, the governance should arrange the regulation of garbage disposing with some penalties that will punish the offenders.

In conclusion, an individual who living in huge towns have to through a lot of problems, namely the pollution (air, water, and noise) and the road stagnation. Hence, the government should create some plans to break the problem, except transfer the citizen to the regional city.

Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Dec 18, 2018   #2
Annatha, when you start a statement using the plural form, you should continue that throughout the sentence. You cannot start with the plural form then suddenly switch to the singular form as you did in the following sentence:

Adding more public transports with adequate facilities is one of the best solution for this issue...

Transports is the plural form of transport. Therefore the word "solution" should also be in plural form as in "solutions". Most specially since you use the plural form of the word "facility" in the sentence in the form of "facilities". Consistency is important in your presentation due to the GRA plus C&C considerations.

Be careful with your vocabulary choices. Breath is the process of breathing while breathe means to inhale and exhale. You need to be sure that you use the word with the correct meaning in your sentence. If you are unsure about the meaning, it would be best not to use the word, just to avoid lowering your LR score. Try to use an alternative word or explanation instead. There are some commonly confused words, such as the ones referred to here, that often cause those sorts of problems. Try to familiarize yourself with more English words, its variations, and word meaning. There is a difference between "growth" and grow.

Try to write with a sense of confidence in your paragraphs, Avoid starting your sentences with words that connote a sense of general opinion in your meaning. Use a topic sentence instead of a general reference term to kick off the sentence. It is important to simply state the facts rather than trying to present word fillers like "Generally" to present your discussion. You also lack transition sentences that help to move your essay clearly from one topic to another. Try to keep your discussions within the 3-5 sentences per paragraph format.

You have a long way to go when it comes to clearly discussing your reasoning paragraphs. As a beginner, I can see that you have the potential to properly discuss your future essays. You can start by using one topic per sentence, then work your way up to using transition phrases to help you connect 2 related topics in one discussion, then finally, learn how to apply transition sentences at the end of your paragraphs to further boost your GRA skills and scoring.

Read the samples here. You will learn a lot about how to improve based on the mistakes of others and the advice they have received. You can apply the advice to your own writing exercises and see an immediate improvement in your writing skill. Don't give up. You can do this. I have faith in you.
OP annanthaayu 7 / 12 4  
Dec 19, 2018   #3
I'm so glad to read this feedback. I try to do my best later. Thank you for your advices.

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