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Ieles Task-1 The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Australia.

Jon Wang 1 / -  
Jan 10, 2018   #1

australians on the go

The column chart gives information about the places visited by different people in Australia.

For the people born in Australia, they like visiting cinema most. There are about 70% visitors from population born in Australia. The following group having interest in cinema is 63% new migrants born in English-speaking countries, and 50% new migrants born in other countries. The people come from non-English-speaking countries like visiting library most. However, new migrants from English-speaking countries have more interest in cinema.

As we can see, Cinema is most popular place, and then is library. Zoo also is a popular choice for people from English-speaking countries. Theatre is not so popular like other places. There are just 10% new migrants born in non-English-speaking countries often visit it.

Over, different background make people have different choices for visiting places. Cinema is most popular in all over the groups.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,889 4564  
Jan 10, 2018   #2
Jon, this essay will receive an immediate failing score because it does not meet the minimum word requirement. You wrote only 144 words when the required number is at least 150. You could score well enough by presenting 200 words in 4 paragraphs though. That said, you already know that this essay is not going to pass the test. However, I can still assist you in better developing your paragraphs so that you can meet the minimum word requirement.

While the summary overview of the essay can actually be placed anywhere within the essay, you are not required to use it as an opening paragraph. However, I have found that by placing the summary at the top, as the opening paragraph, you create a better chance of responding to the TA portion of the test. In the opening summary, mention the following:

1. The topic presented for discussion
2. Type of illustration and measurement involved
3. Location
4. Discussion instruction
5. Trending statement

For this analysis, the presentation could have been:

A bar chart has been provided that collates the places that various residents in Australia frequent. The chart is is divided into people born in Australia, new immigrants born in English speaking countries, and new immigrants born in other countries. The percentage is measured for the following locations: zoo, library, theater, and cinema. Aside from presenting the main features of the chart, I will also be making comparison whenever possible. At the moment, the current trend is that all 3 Australian groups prefer to visit the cinema.

Do you see how a comprehensive presentation of the summary overview brings you closer to the word requirement? Presenting 5 sentences per paragraph will definitely help you achieve that target. Just makes sure that each paragraph represents a specific analysis topic. In this instance, you have 4 areas for comparison purposes so you might even have ended up discussion 5 paragraphs, which would have delivered a tremendously high overall score if you had done so. Trying to develop a completely discussed 4 paragraph essay will also assure you of maximum scoring consideration based on the overall requirements. 4 paragraphs are ideal, 5 paragraphs are almost perfect, depending upon how you present the information.
PeterBrown 16 / 25 6  
Jan 10, 2018   #3
Over, different ...

As we can see, ...
They will not look at the picture: the whole point of this task is about you explaining the picture, allowing the reader to understand what is going on without having to look at the photo.

The column chart gives ...
The introduction I believe should be around 3 sentences.

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