IElLTS - reducing pollution and damage to the remote environments

Urgent ! I 'm going to take ielts exam next week, please help me~~~any advise and comments(include grammers,vocabulary...) are highly appreciated!! thanks a lot ~~~~~

TOPIC:Nowadays both scientists and tourists can go to remote natural environments such as the South Pole. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

When human lose interest on common place of interest, they embark on exploring wildly remote nature. To my way of thinking, the boons brought by this tend prevail over the banes.

Obviously, the essence of science is to probe unveiled substances; for scientist, going to isolated natural environment (such as tropical rainforest or polar area) is constructive to observe wild species and get a closer look on eco-system. Another significant advantage is carrying on scientific research, it is commonly known that in Antarctic, for example, there are several research stations which aim at monitoring the size of the hole in ozone layer and measuring changes in the ice-cap. Therefore exploring primary nature is enormously beneficial in science aspects

In addition, in tourist's position, such adventure pushes back their visions. For one thing, they acquired fist-hand experience-from touching unknown plants when traveling to forest to taking photos of polar bears. For another, experiencing such pristine nature is the aspiration to artists- if the tourists are painters and musicians.

However, setting foot in pristine nature is attended by alarming problem. One big danger should be mentioned is the trash which left behind by tourists and the pollutant which is generated from science research. More seriously, biological balance is disturbed by human activities. QingHai Lake, located in remote west part of china, is the 'victim' of increasing tourists who are keen on venturing.

On the whole, there are massive interests fore both science and individual, what we are encouraged to do is to reduce the pollution and to damage the wild nature as little as possible.

--------- from tourist's perspective


Your ideas end up abruptly... avoid this trend because it tends to confuse the reader. Limit one idea to one sentence to improve clarity of your writing .

I know this is a bit tough topic for you to write an interesting essay. However, you need to pay a little more attention to the expected structure and align your writing with that. Just refer to the link I'm copying below and read my comment there to understand what I mean.

The threads that I have given in that link are well aligned with this structure. Once you parctise it's really easy and help you manage time well at the exam as well as earn marks :)

you're ideas are great. i just think you need to expand more on them.

While I'm reading your work I feel as it is my a bit confusing with your sentences.


I think you should change this sentence a bit. I am not excellent with writing but I will get rid of world interest.

Maybe ;

When human lose interest of such a common place as wildly remote nature . ? ?

Yep, I like the idea of the structure at first body , you have got accord to scienetice and then about turists.

therefore I would add some explanation of your decision.