Unanswered [1] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
Home / Writing Feedback 3

[IELST Task 1] Annual earnings of three bakeries in London, 2000-2010.

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in London, 2000-2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The number of three bread factories' incomes yearly in London is depicted in line chart between 2000 and 2010. It can clearly be seen that the profit of Bernie's Buns and Robbie' Bakery increased gradually, while Lovely Loaves dropped dramatically in the end of the given time frame.

To begin with, the revenue of Bernie's Buns and Robbie's Bakery followed a fairly similar pattern, grew steadily throughout the given frame. The former remained stable at below $60,000 from 2000 to 2005. Then, the figure experienced a steep rise over the next 5 years, and peaked at above $80,000 in 2010. The latter began at $20,000 in the beginning of figure, and reached a peak of above $60,000.

On the other hand, with the exception a slight rise during a ten-year period, the profit of Lovely Loaves was expected to decline. Although, it went down at $40,000 in the last period, it peaked at $90,000 in 2001 and 2004.

To conclude, two out of three Bakeries rose gradually in their profit, whereas the rest dropped dramatically over the decade.

The number of three bread factories' yearly incomes in London is depicted ...
..., while Lovely Loaves' profit dropped dramatically in ...

... a fairly similar patternand grew steadily ...
... in the beginning of the figure, and reached ...

..., with the exception of a slight rise ...

Your use of vocabulary is clear and effective. Clear comparisons, so overall great job!
To conclude, two out of three Bakeries rose ...
To conclude, profits for two out of three Bakeries rose gradually, whereas for the third one it declined substantially over the decade.

I don't think that bakeries can rise in profit, rather their profits will rise. Try also to use different words from those used in the first paragraph, i.e. declined instead of dropped, substantially instead of dramatically. In overall, the essay is strong, as per my experience, would be rated in between 7.0 and 8.0.
  Closed ✓

Home / Writing Feedback / For private expert help, click on the SERVICES link above!