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[IELST task 2] Topic parents or school should teach children


silentwarrior 1 / -  
Nov 5, 2012   #1
Hi guys, please give me some comments and maybe an estimated score for this essay. Thank you very much!!

Topic: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both these views and give your opinion.


People have different views about the place where children should be taught. While there are some good points why children should learn in school, I believe that parents also play an important role in making children good members of the society.

From my point of view, at first father and mother have the crucial effects on the development of children to become good citizens. Children spend the majority of their time with parents whose behaviors would affect the children significantly because children often imitate what they observe. For instance, if the father often participates in community services, the children will soon learn to join too. In addition, children often share their secrets or problems with parents to find useful advices. As a result, parents become their trusted source of information and they can guide children through difficulties in life. Therefore, parents should not only display but also do good behaviors for children to follow.

However, as the children go to school, they are also influenced by their teachers and friends. Communicating with people from different backgrounds could have notable effects on the way children behave. Furthermore, children are taught knowledge such as math, physics and skills such as team work, presentation which are essential in modern society. There are also several subjects in school to teach children about norms, values and beliefs of the society. Through these, children are oriented to become exemplary adults.

In conclusion, there are convincing arguments for both parents and school to take responsibility for teaching children. I believe that parents and school should cooperate to help children become good citizens.


(265 words)

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Nov 6, 2012   #2
People have different views about the place where children should be taught.

This opening statement sounds a bit deviated from the topic which deals more with teaching children social skills than academic stuff. So, better you align this sentence with what is expected by the topic.

From my point of view, at first father and mother are the first people to have the crucial effects on the development of children to become good citizens.

Children spend the majority of their time with parents whose behaviors would affect the children significantly because children often imitate what they observe.

This is what you call imprinting. Children imprint their parents' behavior. So children of well behaved parents are more likely to be well behaved :D

In addition, children often share their secrets or problems with parents to find useful advices. As a result, parents become their trusted source of information and they can guide children through difficulties in life.

---------- I find this difficult to relate to what you were talking :(


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