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IELT WRITING TASK 2: competition for university

Malaila 1 / -  
Jun 3, 2024   #1
Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university.
Is this a positive or negative development?

As university admission becomes increasingly competitive, opinions are divided whether this trend yields positive or negative consequences. From my point of view, competition is positive in this case in spite of the increased emotional burden and weakened relationships it engenders.

One of the primary drawbacks of growing university competition is the mounting pressure it places on students. Intense competition often causes heightened stress levels, anxiety, and mental health problems. When the rate of enrollment decreases, many students experience overwhelming pressure to outshine their peers. To get a slot in university, countless students have to burn the candle at both ends, which often leads to sleep depression and enhances their level of stress. Consequently, this negative impact on mental health can hinder students' overall development and well-rounded growth. Furthermore, when they spend all their time studying, their relationships may be weakened because of lack of time to bond.

On the other hand, intense competition can also serve as a driving force that encourages students to strive for excellence and unleash their full potential. When faced with a highly cutthroat competition, students are motivated to become more concentrated, disciplined, and target-driven. They are then more likely to develop a strong work ethic, perseverance, and resilience, which are essential qualities for success in various aspects of life. From the government's perspective, this trend may contribute to the flourishing of these countries. When the quality of workforce is reinforced, the countries can intensify heavy industry which brings a large profit.

In conclusion, although escalating competition for university admission increases stress levels among students and decreases their relationships, it fosters personal growth and prosperity for the countries. Individuals must learn methods to manage their anxiety and allocate their time budget as these skills will prepare them for greater achievement later in life as well.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,974 4811  
Jun 12, 2024   #2
opinions are divided

There is no reference to opinions being divided in the original discussion topic presentation. You cannot use that as a reference point for your restatement. It creates an inaccurate representation of the original and will make your statement unacceptable to the examiner who will lower your TA score because of the incorrect reference.

On the other hand,

You may use this comparison phrase only when the previous paragraph starts with "One the one hand". It is not possible to compare one hand to another when the first hand does not exist in the discussion.

The discussion paragraphs are incorrectly presented. You are to present 2 reasoning discussions that will allow you to support your original opinion, as presented in the writer's opinion section. When you present an essay that uses a comparison reference where it is not needed, only the paragraph that supports your opinion will receive a score. The essay will not get a passing score because the discussion format is incorrect and, the word count no longer meets the minimum word requirement.

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