IELT TASK 1: Percentage of male and female teachers

I'm a newbie here. I am studying IELTS myself so your correction and advice on my writing will be really important to me.Thank you so much!

The chart shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of teachers divided by gender in six different educational levels in the UK in 2010. As can be seen from the chart, the two systems with the youngest age ranges of learners were dominated by women, but in the other ones, the proportions of men were equal or even more than those of women.

Nursery and primary school were two educational systems in which percentage of women was particularly high. In the aforementioned systems, female teachers made up a noticeably large proportion, which was more than 90 per cent of the total number of teachers.

The rate of female teachers tended to decrease in higher levels of education. In secondary school, college and private training institute, the proportions of men and women represented were nearly equal. The domination of men was particularly high in university, where there were twice as many men as women teachers.

Overall, the higher the level of education was, the more male teachers dominated, and the reverse occurred to female teachers

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Asit can be seen from the chart, the two systems with the youngest age ranges of learners were dominated by women
i think you left it ,it lacks subject.

is this for Academic??

Yes this is for academic. Can you help me to check it?

Hi there - here are some suggestions for your opening paragraph:

the two systems with the youngest age ranges of learners were dominated by women, but in the other ones, the proportions of men were equal or even more than those of women. = Teaching positions in nursery and primary schools are dominated by women, while teaching positions at universities are dominated by men. Both men and woman are represented more equally for teaching positions at secondary schools, colleges and private training institutes.

.... This sentence is not well presented;
As shown in the chart, the female teachers have dominated up to secondary school level over their male counterparts. However at College level the percentage of both male and female teachers had been equal. In advance educational settings such as private training institutes and universities, a clear domination of male teachers can be noted.

You need to pay attention to the structure for this task. Hope the following website would help you understand it;