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IELT T2- Punishments are neccessary to help children learn the right and wrong from early age

lamabeto 1 / 4  
Jul 2, 2017   #1
It is important for children to learn the right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

punishment as a learning tool?

It is very beneficial for children to develop the ability to distinguish between right and wrong at an early age, and parents and teachers can use punishments as a tool to help in this learning process. I agree with this idea but only to some certain kinds of punishments.

In the early stage, if a child is able to differentiate between right and wrong, there are better chances for the child to become a well-behaved member of the society. And since children are innocent, they don't have a clear conscience about abstract concepts like right and wrong, however, they know what is comfortable for them and what is not. From there, children will gradually get the idea about what they should and should not do if they want it to be pleasant. Therefore, parents and teachers can use punishments to help children develop the right behaviors. Punishments can just be as simple as taking away the favorite toys, or detention or time-out technique. Another important factor is the right moment, the punishment should be imposed right away if children commit the wrong behavior, so they know why and what they are being punished for and they will remember it.

Punishments are helpful if parents and teachers use them properly, however children are very volatile, we adults should always remember that punishments are used to help children to learn and not to punish them in any way. If punishments are abused, it can be backfired and results in a destructive consequence for the child. And in some situations, children will carry those wounds with them in the life ahead. Thus parents and teachers should always remember to treat children with care and a good heart.

To sum up, I think it is useful for the child if they can develop a good notion towards the right and the wrong at an early age. Parents and teachers can use punishments to help children learn those concepts and develop the good manner in them. However, punishments should not harm the child in any mentally or physically way. Children need to be treated with good hearts, always.
phantrung - / 2  
Jul 3, 2017   #2
Hello @lamabeto!. I appreciate your perspective on this issue. And it is my pleasure for me to give some comments on it:

1. you repeated the phrase " parents and teacher" quit much. I recommend that you can instead of them by using " parents as well as teachers".
2. If you can, you should provide an illustration of punishments abusing to clarify its consequences. It will probably make your viewpoint more persuative.
OP lamabeto 1 / 4  
Jul 3, 2017   #3
nice point on the repeating "parents and teachers". I certainly need to avoid using them too many times.
Also good suggestion on giving examples.
Minh Thi 3 / 6 1  
Jul 4, 2017   #4
hello @lamabeto, I appreciate your ideas as they are really persuative, however, it is my pleasure to give some comments on it:
First, in a real ietls test, you may lose your point when you use abbreviated words like: don't,..my teadchers said these words would make a bad impression on the examiners.

Secondly, personally, you should add one to two example to make your essay lively,
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15043 4827  
Jul 4, 2017   #5
lama, your essay is good but it does not properly follow the discussion outline as represented in the original prompt requirement. The outline of the discussion was already handed to you in the original instruction so all you had to do was represent the same in your paragraphs. It's too bad you were not able to do that. It would have improved your score immensely if you had done so. By the way, do not start your sentences with "And". That word is not used academically to start a sentence because it connotes the continuation of a discussion. If it comes after a period, then there is no discussion to continue or connect. Also, when you use "however", make sure that you use it at the start of a paragraph because it indicates a disagreement with a previous statement. Finally, you should have discussed the alternative punishments as a separate paragraph because that was indicated in the original instruction to be a separate paragraph discussion, not included with the other discussion topics for this essay.
OP lamabeto 1 / 4  
Jul 4, 2017   #6
@Holt : thanks for great insight! especially about the structure.
I have question on However if you happen to come back here : I used three "however", two of them are in the middle of the sentence to link two contradict clauses. I guess those two are alright.

"Also, when you use "however", make sure that you use it at the start of a paragraph because it indicates a disagreement with a previous statement. " => is it about the last however that I used in the conclusion?

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