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IELTES Task 2: Online shopping is replacing shopping in stores.


summerlin 5 / 12 2  
Nov 15, 2017   #1
Online shopping is replacing shopping in stores.Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

buying locally or remotely



Nowadays, we can see the population of online shopping is increasing, therefore the behavior of purchasing things in physical store has declined. In this essay I will argue that the idea of online shopping is a positive development.

First of all, purchasing merchandises online can make our life more efficient. Take shopping for grocery for example, it is a laborious chores for me to buy grocery in person. It takes time driving between home and supermarket, also a waste of time to walk around supermarket try to find the items on my shopping list. But the situation would have been so different for searching items by type in keywords and click quantity I need then the items I bought online will be on my doorstep the next day. Shopping online saves me a lot of time and allow me to spend my time on more meaningful thing.

In addition, on the aspect of a supermarket owner, online shopping will reduce the rent. Renting a place for supermarket is usually much more expensive due to the location has to be on the spot that as convenient for people to go to as possible, this fact makes the rent is general higher than rent a storehouse. For the owners of online shopping stores, then can rent a storehouse and it is not necessary to located in the urban center. Thus the shop owners can costdown and reflect on the price. Then the consumer are more likely to chose them in order to have a good bargain.

In conclusion, shopping online not only make our lives efficiency but also more likely for consumer to have a good deal for their shopping. Thus, my opinion for this essay is that it is a positive development of online shopping replacing shopping in physical store.

(299 words, duration: 35 mins)

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1.I am not sure if I am right about the body paragraphs, should I mention about the opposite opinion in my essay?
2. I was trying to describe that because the rent for a storehouse is cheaper, so the owner can provide a cheaper price to the sentence in third paragraph "Thus the shop owners can costdown and reflect on the price. Then the consumer are more likely to chose them in order to have a good bargain.". How can I write this sentence better?

Isabellaalmeida 11 / 26 5  
Nov 16, 2017   #2
Chin-Jung Lin,
Starting your essay with statements like " In this essay ... is a positive development." is not a good shot;

Also, pay attention to verb tenses and punctuation: "... for example(:) it is a laborious ..."; "searching items by type (typing) in keywords and click (clicking the) quantity I need. (Then, the items...) then the items I bought online will be on my doorstep the next day"

"usually much more expensive due to the location ...[/R]". I suggest you to change your sentence: "Usually more expansive because its location has to be as convenient as possible for consumers.

Also, "my opinion for this essay is that..." is not a good way to conclude your essay
Overall, you presented strong and developed arguments. Pay attention to your grammar, because, sometimes, it makes your essay confusing.
I wish you the best luck on IELTS!
Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Nov 16, 2017   #3
@summerlin I guess I have to explain to you how to develop these essay opening paraphrases. You are not supposed to include any strong emotions such as "I will argue" because there is no reference to the need to do that in the original prompt. All of these essays must be written in a simple discussion format because you will never to asked to debate an issue in these essay prompts. All the references will only be for discussions of varying points of view an opinions. Don't include an "emotional response" when one is not required. I believe that the better presentation for your prompt would have been:

These days, people are engaging more in virtual purchases rather than physical purchasing. Some people say this is a good development. Others say it is a negative development. In my opinion, I believe this is a positive development and I will explain why in this essay.

There is no need to present an opposite opinion in this essay because the prompt is asking you to discuss only the side that you agree with. Anytime you see the word "OR" in the discussion instruction sentence, that means you discuss only one side.

As for your presentation of the rental topic, you should not have focused on a specific aspect of commerce such as grocery shopping. You should have left it general in reference because the prompt did not specify a specific sector to discuss. However, you could have better presented that line by saying:

A smart business owner would use a virtual storefront instead because he will not have to rent an expensive physical storefront anymore. He can also just open his shop and, as long as he has a warehouse for his goods, he can sell his products. He does not need to look for a good commercial area to set up his business in anymore. So the investor, in this instance, will end up saving money because people will virtually come to his store and make purchases that still amount to real money once the virtual currency is converted to cash.
chinkybehl22 10 / 25 4  
Nov 18, 2017   #4
As the feedback is already given on the introduction which I also found that there is a scope of improvement.

There are few sentence corrections which I would like to make:

2nd paragraph:
... purchasing merchandises online ...
... a laborious chores for me ...
... walk around supermarket , try to find ...

... so different for from searching items ... I need , then the items ...

3rd paragraph:-
... the spot that as is convenient for ... rent is generallly higher ...

... necessary to located in the urban center
Tuan Anh 16 1 / 5  
Nov 19, 2017   #5
Hi!
In my opinion:
on the aspect of a supermarket owner----> in terms of ...
meaningful things
makes the rent generally higher. ( make sb/sth + adv + adj)

Hope you will do your best !
keneshuku 4 / 12 1  
Nov 19, 2017   #6
@summerlin
Hi just to add
E-commerce actually doesn't completely replace in-store purchases. it's more of about your niche (since you are going to be generalizing the focus as Mary suggested). for example, you can't buy a house online or a car e.t.c but the online experience would help you make your decision faster and more effectively because of reviews from other customers. This is called Moment of truth in Marketing. you might want to read on this, might help you get more content for your essay.

Cheers
Arlen 20 / 40 3  
Nov 20, 2017   #7
Hello, answer your question,

In my opinion, I mention the opposite view in my writing. Not only because it can let your article look completely but you can address your view point to against it, showing how strong your point is. However, I admit that is hard since it's easy to be off-topic or let examiner feel you don't support your view properly.

So if I make the point of opposite, I try to use some rather "weak points", which are easy to refute.

Hope it helps!
brucedeniger - / 4  
Dec 11, 2017   #8
yes. online shopping is replacing in stores.Today people are very busy that they wont time for shopping.The one who works in company will be having tight schedule, that after work hours they don't even get time for their family.So upon that shopping etc will be unimaginable for them,So for those people this online shopping has become really very helpful.Within their fingertips, now every thing is available, that too by spending less amount of time.

On the other side, we cant trust most of the sites, we cant make sure whether the quality quantity marks up to the description before it reaches our doorsteps.Sometimes we will be receiving something utterly different from what we have ordered.So in that sense we cant completely trust and depend on online shopping, so people prefer to visit stores, so that they can buy whatever by seeing in prior itself.


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