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IELTS_writing: should people exploit animals for human purposes?


Ibrahim_Xian 6 / 9 6  
Aug 4, 2013   #1
topic : some people think that it is acceptable to use animals for the benefit of humans. Others, however, think that it is wrong to exploit animals for human purposes. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The issue of whether people should use animals for human purposes or not is certainly a contentious one. In the following essay, I intend to discuss both these aspects and give my own opinion.

First of all, using animals for benefits has been a long story in human history. In the dawn of human civilization, people hunted animals for fur and food. Not long before that, they began to rear livestock, which provided them extra benefits like eggs and milk. Since then, of course, starvation seemed to be not as huge as a problem compared with before. Now people are using animal experiments for finding vaccines which can help humans overcome epidemics. Clearly, there could be a lot more benefits we would gain from animals in the future. However, this is only one matter at hand.

However, today's people exploiting animals too excess has seriously undermines the biological diversity.One particularly good example of this is the hunt for shark fin, in some eastern countries, people's huge demand for shark fin soups has prompted fishermen to empty the oceans of sharks. Similarly, in Africa thousands and thousands of elephants have been killed for ivory, which has left some species of elephants extinct forever in this world. In order to get rid of these problems, therefore I believe greater regulations about exploiting animals are required.

In conclusion, although the benefits of using animals are significant, given the risks of the destruction of biological diversity. I believe the process of using animal resources must be carefully supervised.

MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Aug 4, 2013   #2
In the following essay, I intend to discuss both these aspects and give my own opinion.

I think this sentence is not necessary. Instead, you had better state your own opinion.

using animals for human benefits

Now people are using animal experiments for finding vaccines

Now, animal experimentation helps people develop vaccines

today's people exploiting animals too excess

excessive animal exploitation
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Aug 4, 2013   #3
The issue of whether people should use animals for human purposes or not is certainly a contentious one. In the following essay, I intend to discuss both these aspects and give my own opinion.

This introduction lacks the feature that you need for this task.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 4, 2013   #4
First, I wish to request you to post your IELTS essays into Writing Feedback forum which is dedicated for such essays. You would be able to earn more comments when your essay resides there. (I moved your essay from Undergraduate to Writing Feedback)

Overall, I think your essay is good. Improve your introduction :)


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