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IELTSl; Refugee programs/process should be allowed?


Redtape 4 / 31 11  
Apr 13, 2013   #1
First of all, this idea popped up in my mind whilst I was watching TV.Thought I should try to take as task 2 question.

Question:- With the increasing number of refugees ever before most countries debating on the refugee programs/process. Does this whole process should be allowed? Discuss and give your opinion.

One of the major challenges that most of the countries facing is the increase in number of refugees.If we observe the prime cause, it's nothing but growing number of conflicts across the world. Resulting, the growth in the people who abandoning their motherland in order to save their lives and their loved ones, which I believe we have to understand being humans.

However, asylum seekers are more vulnerable to the situations starting from the journey from their home to the new country.They had to deal with trauma, criticism and moreover they even don't know the systems and procedures of the new country.

Furthermore, the tax payers are also not happy if the government continuously accepting these people as this could eventually lead to increase the tax and effect the countries economy one day.There is always a scale of uncertainty with in the people that refugees may take over their jobs.

Needless to say these asylum seekers add numbers to the census and in cases to the potential skilled employment levels.The governments could use these resources to back fill the skills short fall.

In conclusion, governments should thoroughly investigate and restrict people smuggling where evidences are deliberately damaged.How often we witness the political blame game on these topics.In my opinion, every country should accept, restrict the number of refugee intake and constantly monitor the process to accommodate to the changing scenarios. After all, at the end of the day we are humans and should understand the word "humanity".

Please comment on the structure as well. Sincere thanks for your time.
Cheers.

di10di 2 / 6 2  
Apr 14, 2013   #2
most of the countries facing is

most countries are facing

Resulting, the growth in the people who abandoning their motherland in order to save their lives and their loved ones

As a results, there is a significant growth in the amount of people who abandon their motherland in order to save their lives as well as those of their loves ones.

which I believe we have to understand being humans.

I don't quite understand this part.

There are A LOT of grammatical errors... the words are all jumbled up. I don't know where to start anymore Also, if the question was about whether the government should allow to accept asylum seekers or not, I feel like you're not directly answering the question. You talked about their traumas, tax payers not liking them but you didn't really say why the government should accept them or not. You have to give reasons that impacts the government to make the decision. Remember, you have to take a stand and give reasons supporting that stand. But if the topic was about whether people should seek shelter in another land or not, you have some good points. You should make your answers more clear.

Don't be disheartened. You can try again! I hope I helped. Good luck!
OP Redtape 4 / 31 11  
Apr 14, 2013   #3
di10di

Don't be disheartened. You can try again! I hope I helped. Good luck!

Hi di10di

Thanks for your valuable comments. Yes, perhaps the question should be more clear.

Definitely not discouraged, if I take that way I bet I won't improve.

Thank you. :))
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 14, 2013   #4
Good start. This is the only sentence that needs a little bit of improvement in its presentation as I fell it's a bit too long.

This results in sharp increase in the numbers of people fleeing their motherlands in order to save their lives and their loved ones. In my opinion, this issues needs to be understood in terms of humanity.

HoweverFirst, asylum seekers are more vulnerable to the situations starting from the journey from their home to the new country.They had to deal with trauma, criticism and moreover they even don't know the systems and procedures of the new country.

... give a specific example for this. It is a must for this task!
Your writing skills are excellent. Pay a little more attention to expected essay structure!
Good luck!
OP Redtape 4 / 31 11  
Apr 15, 2013   #5
Hi Dumi, I'm from a non English speaking country. I wanted to see how a native English speaker answer this question .This was my prime reason to post this essay on the forum.I personally feel majority of the essays that are available on various websites are probable answers.I can spot the difference the way you are expressing your views on the topic.Sincere thanks for your valuable inputs.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 16, 2013   #6
Hi Redtape - thanks for your appreciation. But I too am a non native English speaker. :D


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