Hi All,
Here is another essay I wrote on health services. I am lack of health terms and is not really satisfied with my output. There might also be too many words (319). Anyway, I would post it here and wait for any comments. Thank you!!
Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through this service because they are too expensive.
To what extend do you agree with this statement?
Health service fee is consistently a huge concern for the citizens in various countries. One of the suggested solutions to this issue refers to the provisions of free-of-charge healthcare service, despite in the expense of most advanced technologies on medical catering close to the exceptional cost. Personally, I somewhat disagree with this approach based on the significant advantages brought by innovations in medications and maintain an acceptable level of service quality. 71
The principal argument against health services at no cost is to enjoy the benefits provided by the newest medical treatments. Apparently, numerous kind of illnesses and diseases claimed to be incurable in the past could be tackled by recent medicines and antidotes. Taking smallpox as an example, it is nearly a hundred percent assured that the patients would pass away in the ultimate stage. Fortunately, since the twentieth centuries the doctors produce some effective medications to change their fate. 79
Another major argument to keep the service fee is that it would led to an drastic increase of workload for health service providers, which in turn deteriorates the service quality in a significant sense. Expecting the doctors and nurse to appropriately handle the skyrocketing increased cases with limited resource might be realistic. 52
On the other hand, some may argued that for those who are either in poverty or financially disadvantaged, the government is responsible to take care of their needs in order to relieve their finance burdens. It could be a alive-or-dead situation for them when they suffer serious illness and in moral sense they should have the right to be treated without consideration on relatively unaffordable service. 66
Both sides have their merits and demerits. In my opinion, advancing medications and agreeable quality of health services outweigh ethical reasons on patient treatments. Perhaps the government could assist or aid these poor people by funds or issue some coupons on a regular basis to leverage the disadvantaged group of citizens. 51
Health service fee is consistently a huge concern for the citizens in various countries. One of the suggested solutions to this issue refers to the provisions of free-of-charge healthcare service, despite in the expense of most advanced technologies on medical catering close to the exceptional cost.
Before you suggest solutions to the issue, be clear about exactly what the issue is>
You could say: "The rising cost of health care is a major problem for many countries."
One of the suggested solutions to this issue refers to the provisions of free-of-charge healthcare service, despite in the expense of most advanced technologies on medical catering close to the exceptional cost.
This sentence is really long, it would be easier to read if it was split into 2 shorter sentences.
Personally, I somewhat disagree with this approach based on the significant advantages brought by innovations in medications and maintain an acceptable level of service quality.
This is too vague, strengthen your argument.
The principal argument against health services at no cost is to enjoy the benefits provided by the newest medical treatments.
Not necessarily, free health care could mean a wide range of coverage, and may only cover basic services in some cases.
Hi Jennyflower81,
Thank you for the invaluable opinion. I have rewritten the first paragraph. Does it look better?
The rising cost of health care is a major problem for many countries. One of the suggested solutions to this issue is to provide free-of-charge healthcare service, which may sacrifise provisions of newest medical catering with huge cost. Personally, I strongly disagree with this approach as the impact would be enormously influential and outweighs its advantage. 56
For your opinion, can I rewrite the idea to be like "to enjoy the benefits provided by the newest medical treatments in certain areas."? I do think this point is valid, however I don't know how to state it wisely. Or maybe you could suggest another idea?
Besides, "...might be realistic" in the last sentence of third paragraph should be "...might be unrealistic". Sorry for the typing mistake.
Thank you very much!!
Hi All,
Any more advise or ideas on my essay? Because I am really short of ideas on the topic...thank you!!
hi Peterc, I feel like your essay is not very logical. THe task achievement part need to be improved. The topic is about whether health service should be provided free of charge.Your opinion in the first paragraph is very clear,but it seems that your argument is a bit confusing.
Here is my structure plan,you can have a look^^:
P1: intro+your opinion
P2: talk about the rationality about the opinion you disagree with: government should provide free medical service for many reasons: ...
a: advantage: benefits individuals economically -save money
b. adavantage2: benefits to the society: people can receive medical treatment in time-more healthy-high productivity
P3: Granted that this method has many merits, it also suffers lots disadvantages. Giving your reasons and examples to support this.
a.less payment of doctors -reduced working morale
b.latest medical treatment expensive-fail to benefit people
c.too much financial burden to the country
P4: conclusion
Hi lynnyang,
Thank you very much, your point is very clear and easily understood as well. Maybe I think too much about the ideas...a million thanks again!!
Hi Peterchu,
Are you preparing the GT module? I am doing Academic Module. This topic was altered in A module, "whether is government's responsibility to provide free health facility for its citizens. Sometimes, GT topics are easy to understand but bit open to write. Logical ideas are important.
cheers
slaam Peter!
Here is the pattern for Academic version!
Total 5 paragraphs.
Para 1: Introduction
a: Rephrase the topic or general statement on main subject.
b: writing plan
Para 2 & 3: two ideas for defense ,
(introduce points+elaborate those points+support those points with examples)
Para 4: idea for against
( reject previous idea and give new idea)
Para 5: conclusion
(summarize the main points).
4 things will be checked in Ielts writing task, which called Evaluation .
1= task relevance
2= organization
3= accuracy
4= language
u can checkout this website, it may help u
aamirmughal.webs.com
Thanks:)
Hi Jiya,
Thank you very much for the advice!!
