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IETLS WRITING TASK 2: The importance of teachers and parents in the development of children


imno 1 / -  
Aug 12, 2021   #1
TOPIC:
Some people believe that for school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than parents.
Others argue that parents are not less important.

Discuss both views and give your opinions.



While some people believe that teachers have a greater bearing on school-aged children's cognitive and social development than parents, others argue that the role of parents is of the same importance as that of teachers. I side with the latter view.

On the one hand, teachers have a monumental role in children's comprehensive development. School-aged children can gain insights into the world and have the ability to reason thanks to the knowledge that teachers impart. Students are also taught moral codes and social etiquette at schools. The basic knowledge and moral lessons which students receive from their teachers would be the main factors determining children's future life. Therefore, it is justifiable why many people believe teachers have a dispensable role in children's cognitive and social development.

However, it would be imprudent to downplay the role of parents in helping the young become academically and socially capable.
Teachers provide students with a wealth of knowledge, however, their efforts would be futile if students did not revise their lessons due to the lack of parents' supervision. In addition, as children spend most of their time with their parents, they may be influenced by their parents' behaviors although these actions may contradict the virtues taught at schools. For example, a kid raised by abusive parents may have the tendency to be violent later on in his life because this child imitated their parents' actions during his childhood. Therefore, parents also have a significant influence on children's personal growth.

In conclusion, I would contend that efforts from both teachers and parents would help children to be intellectually and socially capable.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4773  
Aug 13, 2021   #2
The writer has misled the reader into thinking that only his opinion should be presented in the discussion. Both points of view come from a general personal presentation without 3rd group pronoun usage.The essay therefore, reflects only the writer's thoughts, negating the public opinion. The writer should use proper pronoun references to indicate an analysis of the opinions leading to the development and explanation of his personal insight.

The writer provided a personal opinion at the start but did not expand the discussion to represent how his thoughts add support and value to the public opinion he sides with. The essay can only recieve partial scoring due to the missing points previously mentioned.

The essay must provide a clear representation to group thought before individual thought. Although well-written, the format needs more work.


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