IETLS TASK 2; More money should be spend on education and sports?

could u plz check my writing

government should spend more money on education than on sport
Do you agree ao disagree?

Education plays an important role in improving people's life since the down of time. Throughout the history, governments have provided humanity not only with works but also with the knowledge. It is agreed that spending more money on education is beneficial for people more than the sport. This argument will be proven by liking at how education can both reduce poverty and help people to increase their knowledge and discover things about the world.

Firstly, the most important thing for education is reducing the poverty, particularly, in poor countries such as India. For instance, some of the Indian people who have finished their education are working now in different places all around the world. For this reason, the number of poverty will went down later. As this example shows, education has a positive effect on reducing poverty. In addition to this, the educated people will have more opportunities in discovering the world widely. For example, when I was at college I have learned a lot of things about learning English. This helps me to increase my skills on acquiring the language.

After analyzing these two points, this look at how the education can reduce the number of poor people and help them to discover the world. It has proven that spending money on education has more pros than cons. Thus, it is highly recommended

hello, your essay looks short. it should contain 250 words at minimum. Well here are some suggestions.
1. you do not explain whether you agree or disagree with the statement. After doing that you support your opinion with examples, and also your examples are not much supportive.

2.your sentence structure is faulty, for example,


try this:
spending money on education is more beneficial than spending on sports


I learned English in my collage that helps me a lot to increase my skills in acquiring knowledge.
3.


HOW??? it is not reducing poverty in India if they are working in different places all around the world.
4.


no need for this sentence.
5.


widely is either unnecessary or inappropriate here.
6. try to compare education and sports to prove your point.
7. grammar should be reviewed because your grammatical skills are judged in IELTS.

i like your comments
but i am following one of my teacher's structure in task2
if you are the corrector how many marks i will got?

First, you need to give a meaningful topic for your essays when you open a new thread. That helps you earn good comments.



...."humanity" means " a collection of humans" or "a condition of being human" or "human nature". So I guess this is not what you wanted to mean. This is my suggestion;

Throughout the history, governments have been providing facilities and assistance to enhance the knowledge level of its people.


.... it should be replaced with the word "looking"