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IETLS Task 2_ Pollution and environment damage result from developing and making the country richer.


AnhVu 1 / -  
May 14, 2019   #1

technological progress and environmental pollution



Pollution and environment damage result from developing and making the country richer. Are you agree or disagree?

Environmental issues are now becoming global concerns. Some people believe that the process of growing into a richer country causes pollution and environmental problems. However, I am of the opinion that the main reason of these troubles are related to the individuals' behaviour and government regulations.

It is a fallacy to consider environmental degradation as the result of making the country richer. Advocates of such a perception tend to claim that the massive production activities of industrial zones dispose a tremendous amount of toxic and hazardous chemical wastes into the environment, which seriously pollutes water, soil and air in the surrounding areas. They get a mind thought that only toxic chemical waste or exhaust fumes discharging from the factories would damage the environment. Nonetheless, in fact, these stuffs though have an impact on environment, only happening in undeveloped and developing countries. Take the United States as a typical example, although there are many industrial regions, the government of this country, they are, in fact, quite successful in coping with the issues related to the environment from these parks.

In my point of view, I believe that pollution and environmental problems are the consequences of human behaviour and government rules. First and foremost, it is because of the individuals' action. People have a lack of the awareness of protecting the environment, they do not understand the indispensable relationship between the human beings and the world surroundings. They throw rubbishes all over the place, into the land, the water. They have a deep-rooted practice of using their private cars and motorbikes for the convenience. Secondly, the governments do not promulgate the strict laws as well as improving the public transportation infrastructures to encourage their citizens to use. Besides, almost every country hesitate to invest immensely in renewable sources, this makes the cost of these types of power in the high level for people to use.

In conclusion, environment pollution could not be considered as the result from increasing the country's economy since other actions are likely to be much more terrible impacts for the environment.

Maria [Contributor] - / 479 214  
May 16, 2019   #2
@AnhVu

Try to omit unnecessary words that do not contribute anything substantial to your essay. Instead, try a straightforward approach to writing. This does not entirely mean that you should not use complex sentences; rather, this means that you should focus on creating simpler structures that have more depth. In addition to this, I would also suggest that you try to avoid being repetitive with your usage of terms.

Let's try to implement this to your writing.

I would revise your introductory paragraph as:


Environmental issues are global concerns. Economic development has resulted to pollution and degradation. I believe that these concerns stem from individuals and the governments.

[...]


Notice how there was no need to make mention twice that they are environmental issues - and instead, I had elaborated on this concept through introducing more specific concepts like pollution (retained from your original paragraph) and degradation (synonymous term but more indicative of a rapid trend). At the same time, using more technical terminologies such as economic development instead of mentioning lengthy phrases like process of growing into a richer country is also beneficial for you.

Be concise about these terminologies - and experiment more with content. Best of luck!


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