Hj guys , what do you think about my essay . I think i did some mistake but i don't know where it is . So could somebody can help me to check this and also write me your comments about this . Thanks a lot
Topic : It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents , for instance for sport or music , and others are not . However , it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician .
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
To be successful in some areas such as physical subject or music which requires various elements . However , in fact a number of people are currently considering for natural talent's role which they believe that it performs principal factor, whereas other think that having balanced teaching standard will help child to be prosper .
Obviously , gifted children will more easily to work out to a tricky problems briskly and to establish positive social friendships . This , however, has blinded people to the fact that others can make quicker progress toward their academic and practical success by exchanging experience and knowledge and training hardly .Taking playing guitar an example, people can not to be professional guitarist in a short time without any training , it need to be patient and playing for a long time .Thus , natural talents is one of various element to make people become success in sport or music .
On the other hand , thanks to a wide various experience and knowledge which people obtained in the learning process and education ,they could enhance the transition from school to work . This means that slow students can be success , if they are given a special class or specialized instruction . For example , in some special competitions , a number of people can achieve a medal , even if they are a congenital defect such as blind . As a result , with balance teaching standard , we will more likely to provide our children a range opportunities to improve their skills
To conclusion , It is clear that to be success require more elements factor rather than just one natural talents .Furthermore , in the future we can create a good curriculum which combine talents and teaching to establish positive environment for children grow up. ( 305 words )
This , however, has blinded people to the factthink that othersanybody can make quicker progress towardin their academic and practical success by exchanging experience and knowledge and training hardly .Takeing playing guitar as an example;peopleone can not to be a professional guitarist in a short time without any training , ithe needs to be patient and keep practicingplaying for a long time .
I think you can improve a lot 'cause you seem to have good ideas and vocabulary. It's a matter of paying more attention to grammer and arrange your flow of writing. You can do this by practicing your writing and also reading other's essays. Try to write shorter sentences that would help you to get a good start. Good Luck with IELTS!
