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IETLS W1 poverty rates by age and gender (bar chart) and family composition of women in poverty...


LFAle 3 / 5  
Dec 3, 2014   #1
Hello! These are the graphs belove my answer
"You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The pie chart shows the percentage of women in poverty and the bar chart shows poverty rates by sex and age. They are from the United States in 2008.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.


Write at least 150 words.
"
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The charts illustrate poverty rates by age and gender (bar chart) and family composition of women in poverty (pie chart). They refer to United States in 2008.

It is clear that women were significantly poorer than men, and the former were nearly all single women. In detail, being single was the key feature with a total of 80% made up of single women with no dependent children (54%) and ones with dependent children (26%). In addition, the third main poverty percentage regards married women with dependent children (12%).

Furthermore, we can see how women poverty rate were a continuum of decrease throughout the first period of life; around 20% of poverty rate under 5 years old, to approximately 8% at 44-54, despite a peak at 18-24 where poverty rate went back to 20%. Thereafter, according to the bar chart, the rates increased gradually in late adulthood.

Finally men, who had a similar initial poverty rate (around 20%), ended up having a significant fall in poverty rate with age (approximately 5% at 75-up compared with around 15% for women).





fadlanmuzakki 15 / 49 36  
Dec 3, 2014   #2
Hi LFAIe,
there are several suggestion for you, I hope you do not mind.

The charts illustrate poverty rates by age and gender (bar chart) and family composition of women in poverty (pie chart). They refer to United States in 2008.

you did not mention what the charts are measured. You probably can put measurement in the first paragraph to make your essay clearer.

I just have checked your cohesion and coherence. The result is your cohesion and coherence from sentence to sentence, and para to para is good. Nevertheless, you probably could achieve better score if you re-check your cohesion and coherence to make your essay higher. Furthermore, you presumably can expand your essay becoming approximately 200 words. It probably can help you to get 6.5 or higher.

KEEP SPIRIT, KEEP STUDY :)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Dec 3, 2014   #3
Thanks to Dumi, our moderator and contributor here, the first and foremost lesson I learn from her is that writing task 1 should be written with an overview. The overview helps readers understand what are the most noticeable features. Also, if you are aiming to earn a score of 6 and more for the Task Achievement, IELTS band descriptors tells us to do so.

Secondly, she also guides me how to develop a good paragraph in writing task 1. A good paragraph should be contained at least one topic sentence and one supporting sentence. That is to say, you'd better take some time to analyze the graph and understand the trends taking place. By doing so, you can group all the information in a logical way and know what to put as a topic and details. Always remember, IELTS examiners want to see how good you compare the information.


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