IETLS WRTING TASK 2: IS IT INHUMANE TO KEEP ANIMALS IN ZOOS? WHY?

Please rate my essay and give advice, Thank you very much

Topic:
Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important.

Discuss both views

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It has been a hotly-debated topic on whether it is right to keep wild animals in zoos or not. While some argue that it is unethical to put animals on display at zoos, others advocate that zoos are educational, entertaining, and environmentally crucial in various ways. This essay will analyze both perspectives.

On the one hand, zoos have a considerable impact on animal conservation. Zoos provide a safe environment for animals, especially the endangered species, which helps to protect them from the problems they may face in the wildlife. For example, poaching, loss of habitats, natural disasters, etc that can pose a threat to the animal's existence. Besides that, scientists have a chance to study animal's behaviors for their research. Furthermore, many zoos have breeding programs for endangered animals. Those attempts make it easier for animals to reproduce since, in the wild, they may have trouble finding partners and breeding that might lead to their extinction. From an economic perspective, zoos create job opportunities for the locals. There would be a rise in the unemployment rate if zoos were closed. In addition to that, the money raised by zoos or the entrance fees can be used for conservation projects, enhancement on living places of those species, or food. Not only are zoos entertaining and amusing, but more importantly, zoos are also ideally educational places for people, particularly children, to experience and learn about the natural world.

On the other hand, zoological gardens are considered unethical. There are several reasons why it is wrong to put wild animals in zoos. Firstly, it is unethical to make an animal live in a cage. That means it is deprived of its freedom and the right to live in the place it belongs to - nature. Zoos are an artificial environment, therefore wild animals brought to the zoos lose their instinct to hunt for food. Consequently, they have to depend on the zookeepers for food. Secondly, humans do not have the right to exhibit animals for entertainment because they also have feelings. For this reason, animals in captivity suffer from stress, boredom, and confinement which they would not experience were they to live in the natural habitat.

In conclusion, although zoos play a vital role in animal conservation and are educational to children, animals kept in zoos may undergo mental problems and lose their instincts.

You have changed the discussion requirements for this prompt. It asks you to do a comparative discussion of both point of public opinion, then offer your personal point of view. In the actual test, the alteration of the instructions or discussion paragraphs will result in a failing T. A. score leading to a final overall failing score result. You have shown a ffamiliarity with the discussion requirements but. all you have presented are ideas and reasons which, athough part ofthe scoring considerations, does not satisfy the cohesiveness and coherence requirements due to the lack of properly connected discussion topics and explanations. 1 do not have high hopes for your score based on this inconsistent type of writing.

overall, your essay has met the requirements for Task Achievement - discussing both view without giving your opinions.
You need to pay more attention to your grammars or else you would lose marks on your grammatical range and accuracy
for example:
That means it is they are deprived of theirs ... the place it they belongs to - nature.

beside i dont think this information explan why zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important.:
From an economic perspective, zoos create job opportunities for the locals. There would be a rise in the unemployment rate if zoos were closed. You can mention that having more staffs working at the zoological gardens would facilitates the caring and perserving of animals in the zoos to strengthen your point of views on ecological importance.