Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

ietlswritask2 It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with parent


torontoontario 1 / 1  
Jan 29, 2020   #1

where students should live during college?



It is said to be more beneficial for university learners to reside in schools instead of living with parents . Although staying at schools could perhaps provoke some advantages but personally I completely disagree this idea for a number of reasons which will be outlined in this essay.

On the one hand , staying in campus daily actually has some advantages for themselves . Firstly , it will gradually make a formatation of their new independent life . Students must be aware of what they have to take actions like self-study , doing personal hygiene properly , preparing schedule steamlinely and so on . Secondly , people will have trouble in dealing with a variety of diffculty and how to solve those issues is firmly challenging without parents and it leads to that learners will realize and receive more expriences in life and afterall matureness and resourcefulness are two thoughts that they should be in compliance with if they want to success in uncoming life.

On the other hand , it simultaneously has few drawbacks as soon as people never desire to cope with . To begin with , living far from home can tackle a lack of parental sentiment , homesickness . Its problems could partly influence on their study and easily distract on these consequences . Therefore , study results maybe increasingly bad and Neglecting from study can become unavoidable consequence for them .

In conclusion , it is inargueable that staying in school are both beneficial and disadvantegeous in many aspects and in my viewpoint , this issue is extremely important to play a vital role of development of students mentally and intelectually .

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,892 2170  
Jan 29, 2020   #2
Try to be a little more creative in presenting your paraphrase paragraph. Make sure you truly understand what the prompt is all about. While your presentation is alright, it could have been clearer and more detailed in presentation, which would have resulted in a higher TA score. For example, you could have written:

Students attending college often change their residences to dormitories or apartments. Some people believe that this is a good thing because the undergraduate student will learn to live independently, as opposed to if they continued to reside with their folks. Personally, I find myself to be in disagreement with this opinion.

Notice how I completely rephrased the original prompt and used various words to refer to keywords from the original prompt? These changes will ensure a higher TA score and increased chances of a higher LR and GRA score.

For the discussion itself, this type of essay will be made stronger if you discuss it in a manner that shows 2 schools of thought per paragraph. For example, I would discuss it this way:

According to those who believe students should live away from their parents during college, they should do so in order to become independent adults. I say that the term "adulting" was developed for a reason. Nobody just becomes an adult, these students can learn how to become responsible adults only with the guidance of their parents. It is the job of parents to teach them how to be good adults, how to handle money, what do do in case of certain instances, and other similar things that a college student on his own in a dormitory may not easily know to do on his own. Just because a person is grown up does not mean he no longer requires his parents guiding hand.

Then, there are some who say that... While that may be true, my belief is that...


The strongest possible discussion in an argumentative essay is always one that will take the contradicting opinion and then show the flaw in that reasoning. By discussing in that manner, the essay presentation will show that you have a good understanding of the topic in relation to coherence and cohesiveness, allow for a wider mix of sentences and punctuation uses (GRA), and allow you to use a variety of simple and complex English words (LR).

BTW, there are several grammatical errors in this essay but those are not as important to correct as it is to show you a better way to handle this discussion. Besides, the LR mistakes do not hamper the understanding of your writing so while you will not get a very high score in that section, you would not get too many points deductions for it either.
OP torontoontario 1 / 1  
Feb 2, 2020   #3
@Holt
thanks for your assessment and i am extremely grateful to that . So Could you clarify my current qualification by mark in ielts
parviz 3 / 7  
Feb 3, 2020   #4
sample introduction
It is true that college education is certainly important in shaping a student's personality or helping them to lead an independent life. However, I disagree with the idea that staying in students' residency hall is more beneficial than living with parents.


Home / Writing Feedback / ietlswritask2 It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with parent