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Essay on iImportance of electricity in people's daily routine


kissingyou0912 8 / 29  
Jun 21, 2012   #1
Can you help me with this essay? any advice is appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Electricity is important to life. A vast number of machines which are invented nowadays cannot be operated without it. As a matter of fact, electricity is used mostly in four main areas: industry, public health, media and transportation.

First of all, electricity plays an integral part in industry. Thanks to the invention of electricity, a lot of equipment has been invented including computers, subways, bulbs,etc ... .Electricity is the crucial factor in operating most devices. As a matter of fact, we now lighten our lives with electricity, which is unexpensive and friendly-environment. Moreover, electricity has given birth to assembly line, which means everything is produced by machines precisely and constantly, saving us a great amount of time and money. Apparently, electricity is used by all walks of life everyday in all aspects. For example, in summer, air conditions are used to provide us with cool air and we turn on the heating system to keep the room warm in winter.

In the second place, electricity is essential in daily transportation. Only with the advent of electricity can people create the traffic light. This is a great contribution to the safety of people on the street. Additionally, because steam engines are now replaced with electric engines, global warming and greenhouse effect are reduced considerably. Obviously, not only the speed is increased but the journey is smoke free, so less pollution are added into the atmostphere, helping to protect the environment.

Another area in our life on which electricity has a great influence is media both in communication and entertainment. Take telegraphs and telephones for examples, both of them are commonplace today and they need electricity to operate. With these devices, we can talk to our friends and family at a great distance or wee can even fax to every corner of the world within no time. Similarly, televisions enable everyone to update information around the world and see what is happening at the other side of the globe simultaneously. Needless to say, without these speedy means of communications, many business would come to a halt. More significantly, electricity makes entertainment possible, creating a much more interesting and fascinating world. It can't be denied that books, which are now available everywhere are not only knowledgeable but they are also entertaining. Since the invention of electricity, the number of books and periodicals released has been noticeably increasing. Therefore, the utility of electricity has not only brightened our homes but also our heads.

Finally, elecitricy is helpful in health services and treatment. Due to electricity, medical technology are improved. In hospitals, surgeons are able to carry operation in a more effective and efficient way. Many dangerous diseases which used to be fatal in the past cannot kill people now. For instance, X-ray machines enables doctors to take photographs of internal parts of the body so that the surgery and operation are much safer and more accurate. Briefly speaking, many men would probably meet their death without it.

In a nutshell, the importance of electricity in our daily routine is undeniable.However, the demand for it is increasing because more and more people have access to it. As a result, everyone should make an attempt to reduce the consumption of electricity in family as well as in office by using it more reasonably.

ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jun 21, 2012   #2
First of all

It would be better to start the introduction with a motivator. The use of "first" at the beginning is not appropriate.

a lot ofnumerous of equipmentshashave been invented, including computers, subways, bulbs,etc ...(After "etc u should not write "...". in addition, you should not use "..." in writing.

Electricity is thea crucial factor in operatingfor working an extensive range ofmost devices ----> Suggestion :"Many devices need the energy of electricity to work."

unexpensive and friendly-environmen

Why??? Before stating that, I think you should mention that Electricity is known as a clean source of energy. Then you can talk about its positive effects on environment.

in the summer and winter air conditioning systems are used to providemodify the codition of air inside the building, offices, houses, and the like.us with cool air and we turn on the heating system to keep the room warm in winter.

[At the end of each paragraph write a conclusion (reword the topic sentence)].

Regards
Ahmad
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jun 21, 2012   #3
It would be better to start the introduction with a motivator. The use of "first" at the beginning is not appropriate.

I though this is the first paragraph. I am sorry for the misunderstanding. I though this sentence "Electricity is important to life. A vast number of ..." was the topic :DDD. Please accept my apologies. It was a funny mistake :))))))

Any way I have some suggestions with respect to the introduction:

Electricity is important to life(the motivator should be more interesting.) . A vast number of machines which are invented nowadaysover the contemporary century/era cannot be operated without it. As a matter of fact, electricity is mostly/commonly used mostly in four main areas: industry, public health, media and transportation.

Regards
Ahmad
OP kissingyou0912 8 / 29  
Jun 21, 2012   #4
Thanks zafari.

It would be better to start the introduction with a motivator. The use of "first" at the beginning is not appropriate

Is it suitable if I use something like "most importantly"??
chessman567 5 / 170 11  
Jun 21, 2012   #5
I don't really think it is suitable. You can use something like first and foremost, furthermore, etc. etc.
colin 23 / 48 15  
Jun 21, 2012   #6
unexpensive

inexpensive

atmostphere

atmosphere

wee

we

many business

many businesses

technology

technologies

enables

eanble

we now lighten our lives

we are now lightening our lives with electricity
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jun 22, 2012   #7
Is it suitable if I use something like "most importantly"??

The use of "first", "second", sounds cliche, even though many teachers recommend such words. In fact, these words are recommended because students can use them easily. But, I think, each paragraph should start with an attractive topic sentence. Much similar to an introduction, the first sentence of a paragraph in the body should be interesting and it should consist of a general idea and a main idea. For writing a topic sentence u do not need to write "to begin with", "first", etc. For example :"The energy of electricity is known as the driving force of an extensive range of industries.". U can use this topic sentence for the first paragraph of the body. The general idea of this topic sentence is "The energy of electricity" and the main idea is "industries".

Indeed, different people have different writing styles and what I said was just a suggestion.

Hope this answers the question

Regards
Ahmad
OP kissingyou0912 8 / 29  
Jun 22, 2012   #8
Thanks a lot everyone. I really appreciate your advice.


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