Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

[ILETS TASK 2] Some people believe that tourism does more harm than good. Agree or disagree?


My Lewis 1 / 1  
Aug 29, 2017   #1

trade-off between tourism pros and cons



Service industries such as tourism have become more developing in the modern life nowadays. This engenders the controversy about the pros and cons of tourism. Some people hold the notion that its advantages outweigh the disadvantages. From my point of view, i do not entirely agree with the given notion.

It can be denied that there are uncounted benefits taken from travelling for both the travellers and the government. One of the crucial benefits is that people will have great opportunities to broaden their culture and social horizons when they are on a trip to new locations. For instance, the visitors can interact with ingenious residents and be introduced to interesting natural charm such as cuisine, amusement, fashion,... Also, the government of visited region can make a profit and get investment as well to ameliorate infrastructure. These innovations will not only serve tourists but also native people. As a result, tourists enjoy their vacation with great experiences and the local people as well as the government have a chance to stimulate the economic growth rate.

However, there are some drawbacks of tourism need to be paid attention. The influx of travellers into an area can disturb the life pattern of the indigenous and cause several social troubles. Indeed, because the local government are not able to control a large number of tourists, they can encounter potentially higher incidences of crimes and anti social activities. Problems such as pickpocketing, mugging, sex-related crimes likely occur in those countries featuring flourishing tourism. In addition, environmental pollution and vandalism are the tenacious problems as the historical sites are full of unaware visitors. This leads to the possibility that the government may pay a large money to mend their loss.

To conclude, i believe there is a trade-off between tourist advantages and disadvantages. And i think that people consciousness of tourism plays a central role in deciding whether tourism does more harm than good or on the contrary.

p.s: Please help me and I will help you back.

okorobiadimma14 6 / 82 50  
Aug 30, 2017   #2
Lewis, I must commend your writing skills and wealth of vocabulary. However, you must be very careful when drafting your essays as an omission or misplacement of a word or phrase can totally change the idea in a paragraph, especially when it occurred in the topic sentence. Before I continue with reviewing your essay, I would like to remind you that posting the topic question of an essay is necessary for proper review of this kind of write-up. Right now, it is difficult to tell if you actually did a proper paraphrase of the prompt although it seems well crafted and straight to the point. That said, I think you really did a nice job here except for few typos. My only worry is that the topic sentence of paragraph 2 is contrary to the idea portrayed in the supporting sentences."It can be denied that there..." means that there are no benefits with regard to the pattern with which the sentence was constructed, in which case it opposes the supporting statements which elaborate the benefits of tourism to both the tourist and the government of the location of the tourism. The excerpt should read as "It cannot be denied that there... " which means that there are benefits and therefore fits with the supporting sentences. More so, you shouldn't have used the transition word "However" to begin the third paragraph because it is used to indicate a little change or opposing notion with respect to the preceding idea. I suggest you use the first sentence of the 3rd paragraph as the last sentence of the 2nd paragraph. That way, it would serve as a transition statement. The 3rd paragraph would then begin with a topic sentence that tends to describe the disadvantages of tourism. Overall, your essay is really great and your points are well-developed. Always ensure that you review your essays after drafting so as to fix typographic errors. This essay can fetch you an overall score of at least 6.5.
Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Aug 30, 2017   #3
My, this is not a "degree of agreement or disagreement essay". Therefore, the minute that you said "I do not entirely agree", you totally altered the discussion of the original prompt and as such, immediately failed the the test. Why did you fail ? The decision on your part to discuss a comparison essay instead of a single opinion essay with supporting justifications as required by the original instructions means that you did not understand the instructions for the discussion. While you did understand what the topic for discussion is, the method of discussion is what the examiner will be looking at. Your ability to survive in an English classroom in terms of following the professor's instructions rests on your ability to understand English based instructions which, in this essay, you clearly showed that you cannot do. Therefore, the examiner will look at this essay and fail you. You cannot be given a passing score because you failed to prove English comprehension skills on your part, which is the first criteria for consideration. Listen to me, allow me to guide you, follow my advice, and just like countless others here whom I have helped to develop their writing skills before taking any English test, you will be sure to pass with high marks.
OP My Lewis 1 / 1  
Sep 1, 2017   #4
@okorobiadimma14
I really appreciate your comment. Although I try a lot, I always have some silly mistakes, especially word-missing mistake. And you were right! What I wanted to write was "It cannot be denied", but I forgot to put "not" after "can". This led to the change of meaning. I will listen to you and review my essay carefully so as not to have mistake again. Seriously, your comment is very useful to me. Thank you a lot sir/madam ^^. I hope that I can learn from you to write better because I'm not really good at writing.

@Holt
I read your comment very carefully and I want to thank you for your comment. I know that I am not a good writer but I try to improve it in my ability. I have been learning how to write an agreement or a disagreement essay, and what I wanted to put in my essay is a balanced idea, I mean that half agreement and half disagreement, so that the reason why I wrote: "I do not entirely agree". I didn't realize that would make me fail the test. Thank you very much for pointing out my misconception of the question. And I wonder if you can teach me and give me some advice. That will be really helpful to help me improve my writing skill because I know I have a lot of things to learn ^^.


Home / Writing Feedback / [ILETS TASK 2] Some people believe that tourism does more harm than good. Agree or disagree?