Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

"Is imagination less valuable than facts and objectivity?" SAT Novembre 2010


Dawn01 19 / 33  
Jul 24, 2015   #1
This is an SAT Essay. Please grade my essay and give me some feedbacks.

Prompt 2 :
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
Most people are so impressed by facts and objectivity that they do not appreciate the use of imagination. They worry that our imaginations get us away from reality, distort our views and perspectives, and, worst of all, are unscientific. As a result, using our imagination and other related activities such as appreciating art or music or being creative are often considered the "frosting"-the nice extras in life-rather than vital pursuits that are crucial to everyone.

Adapted from Rollo May, The Courage to Create
Assignment:

Is imagination less valuable than facts and objectivity?Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

My essay :

I cannot help but believe , despite my slight ambivalence, that the trend of forgoing facts and reality and drowning in the illusion of dreams and imagination is destructive. I will prove , through literature and the history of science ,that imagination can be by no way more valuable than facts and objectivity.

At this context, Emma Bovary, the main character of Gustave Flaubert's novel « Madame Bovary », was a dreamer who was never satisfied. Her tendency to escape from reality and facts by dreaming -of perfect husband, unlimited wealth and prestige - rendered her into a passive , immature and foolish person , who run away from ground facts and reality. She was always envisioning to marry with an idol man who has power, money, high-social status and especially romantic attachment to her. All her weddings failed because she fall always in the abyss of adultery, betrayal, dissatisfaction and despair. She failed to build a family and to made her dreams true. Her fertile yet impossible imagination made her overbearing, dull and sluggish. Had she understood that she should stick to facts and real life, she would probably be a happy person. Ultimately, her blindness lead her to suicidal and that's the high cost of immeasurable imagination.

Objectivity is an effective approach in order to discern right from wrong, especially when it comes to science. In fact, Medieval Europeans were attached to metaphysical imagination about science and refused to give up their hallucinations about knowledge, science and the universe.They thought that the world is a disc and believed in Ptolemy's geocentric theory. Thus, they hindered progress. Contrarily, Enlightenment philosophers and science used a different perception. They relied on objectivity while dealing with scientific enigmas and ground their findings on empirical evidences. They discovered the heleocentrism of the universe and proved that the world is spheric.Finally, their pure objective thinking changed the world we live in and released thousands of illusions and misconceptions from people 's minds.

Dreamers and those who rely only on imagination to solve their problems will end up failing. Escaping from real life facts is thus a mark of weakness and limited critical thinking. Objectivity is rather the tool to bring quality and success to human existence.

lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Jul 24, 2015   #2
Hello, I am assisting you again with your essay. Let me first discuss what you are doing quite well.

1) Your use of commas and word choice is getting better.
2) You are continuing to use transition words which helps with understanding (Ultimately, In fact, Thus, etc.)
3) Your paper is organized well.

Here are some suggestions to help your writing:
1) There are additional words that can be deleted.
1st paragraph: "imagination cannot be by no way more valuable than facts and objectivity.
2nd paragraph: "..dreaming of a perfect husband, unlimited wealth and prestige, rendered her into a passive, immature and foolish person, who ran away from ground facts and reality."

Change the tense in the next sentence: "marrying an idol man who had power,..." The next sentence change your tense to:"...always fell into the abyss.." The next sentence, made should be make. The last sentence needs a few more words to explain Madame Bovary's situation. You can add: "...her blindness to the facts of life lead to her suicide..."

2) There is great organization in your paper. However, if you use a transition word this will help you with your essay writing.

3rd paragraph: You could use Nevertheless or However, since the next paragraph is a different example and you are discussing objectivity. Place "the" before imagination. Change part of this sentence to: "...enlightenment philosophers and scientists..." Change ground to based.

4th paragraph: I would begin the last sentence with a transition. Ex: "Therefore, the evidence proves that dreamers...problems, will end up failing"

I would score it as an 11. If you could get an 11.5, I would give it to you for word choice, information, and good organization. Some slight corrections in past tense would have given you a 12. Nice improvement! I want you to remember that I'm assuming this is how you will be scored. Hopefully, they will take into consideration the time constraint.


Home / Writing Feedback / "Is imagination less valuable than facts and objectivity?" SAT Novembre 2010