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Imitating others can only be positive if it aimed to learn from others' experiences and findings

Dawn01 19 / 33  
Jul 20, 2015   #1
Ok, guys, I just took another practice SAT essay..here it is...any constructive comments, advice, help is appreciated...also can you guys grade it for me out of 12, as objectively as possible? Thanks!

SAT January 2008:

Prompt 1:

Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

It is better to try to be original than to merely imitate others. People should always try to say, write, think, or create something new. There is little value in merely repeating what has been done before. People who merely copy or use the ideas and inventions of others, no matter how successful they may be, have never achieved anything significant.

Is it always better to be original than to imitate or use the ideas of others?
Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

My essay:

Throughout history, great men were people who are bold enough to clamber out of the box, avoid the beaten track and thus introduce their original thoughts and style to the world. Contrarily, imitating others has never brought neither quality nor radical change to human's existence.

Walter Lewin, MIT physics' teacher, was famous for his unique and special lectures that make mechanics, waves, magnetism and electricity funny and accessible topics. His series of lectures "For The Love Of Physics" inspired millions of students not only in MIT but also around the world. Had he followed the traditional pattern of bleak and dull courses, he would never reach such incomparable fame and success. His original style, based on animated, vivid and jocular study, fired him to glory and help him to instruct a whole generation of young thirsty scientists.

Adam Smith, the genius of economy, established the pillars of capitalism in his book " For The Wealth Of Nations". His unique approach toward economy helped him to set a new economical philosophy that helped Europe to get rid of debilitating, unfair and unproductive feudalism. By rejecting and neglecting others' conformist ideas, he inspired Europe and The U.S. to reach the peak of economic growth manifested in intensive industrialization, social prosperity and comfort.

Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft, was a creative mind who dear to challenge and surpass old ideas. He forgo others cagey advises and put his energy to shape a special perception in the field of computer science. Ultimately, he produced Microsoft, the invaluable creative and revolutionary software, which earned him global praise, glory and money.

In summary, I can underline the fact that imitating others can only be positive if it aimed to learn from others' experiences and findings, at first step. But, changing the face of the world by unique thoughts, ideas and approaches.

lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Jul 20, 2015   #2
I can help assist you again. In your first sentence you change the tense from the past to the present. Change are to were and contrarily to: In contrast." Delete "neither" in this sentence too.

Place a comma after MIT. Change your tense to the past in this sentence:"... would never have reached such incomparable..." You use fired. Do you mean spearheaded? Help should be in the past tense.

Remember to put "the" before economy. If you begin a sentence you should capitalize the before U.S. Since the U.S. is stated in the middle of the sentence, "the" can be in all lowercase letters.

There is a slight misspelling. Change dear to dare when you discuss Bill Gates. I would suggest a change in word choice. You could say, "disregarded others advice".

Your last paragraph, you can delete some words:" In summary, imitating... if the aim is to" Delete at first step. The last sentence is incomplete because it has no subject. Do you mean then we change our world?

I am going to give you essay a 10. You were closer to an 11 if the past tense was used more often. Good job!

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