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The immigrants should whether form their community or adopt the new local culture

Linh Dieu 8 / 16 1  
Apr 27, 2019   #1
Some people argue that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. An alternative view is that they can adapt to a new environment by establishing a minority community. Discuss these two views and give your opinion.

Should Immigration Require Assimilation?

The globalized trend is broadening larger than ever in the world leading to the stream of immigrants from many countries to developed ones with the aim of changing their lives. With the new environment, whether they need to engage in local lifestyles or they need to form their belonged-culture community to maintain the traditions. My essay below will discuss both views and give my own opinion after that.

On the one hand, when immigrants immigrate to a new country, the characteristic of the new culture, new people and new lifestyle need to be learned. Firstly, the immigrants are the minority as opposed to a large number of natives so that they have to acquire these to be accepted and live in harmony with others. For example, you are Vietnamese and you immigrate to the US without learning about their language and lifestyle, you can not build up the relationship, have they help you in emergencies or aid you to associate with the new environment. Secondly, it is not only weird and inconvenient but also disadvantageous to apply your local rules or behaviors to access or tackle problems in a new place, because of both reasons: the awkward eyes of people peering at you and the positive effects of your solutions harnessed to new rising affairs. For instance, you are an Eastern person immigrating to a Western country and imagine you are having a meal with a Western family: you can not use chopsticks to pick up foods as its absence in Western meals and their non-use chopsticks eating. If you use knives and forks instead, you will have meals more normally and make people have a good sympathy with you.

On the other hand, the national character needs preserving when citizen leaves their countries. Firstly, they find other countries which have more job and high living standard to promote their lives but changing their ethnic minorities or nations. If they do contrastingly, they betray their nations and refuse their roots. Otherwise, when immigrants form an ethnic group or traditional-preserved community, they can find people who share the same language and cultural habits. The daily activities happen normally and easily with least burdens deterred from the new nation. Nevertheless, these communities which less affected by foreign lifestyle will be left behind and have fewer opportunities to catch up and compete with next door developed communities.

The changing of places we live will affect us at both advantageous and disadvantageous extents, so the best way to be updated with new chances and cautious with colonized tension is to form a community with the purpose of helping people who do not accustom with a foreign culture and create the associated environment to push one closer other.

Please help me check out the grammar, the vocabulary and the structure of this essay in academic view and judges. Thank you for your worth time spending to read my essay !

Maria - / 1,099 389  
Apr 27, 2019   #2
I would recommend having less complex, more concise sentences for your essay. Seeing that the essay also requires you to have more substance in terms of description, I would recommend that you try to be more descriptive with your content.

Let's take a look at your essay and revise a couple of portions.

[...] With the new environment, they need to either engage in the local lifestyle or form their own culturally-specific communities that maintain tradition. [...]

[...] Firstly, as these immigrants are the minority, they have to acquire socialization skills to live harmoniously with natives. [...]

Note: Notice how I had omitted a huge portion of the text and instead integrated it into the larger picture of your sentence; doing techniques such as this can improve your essay's overview. Furthermore, you were unclear as to what these immigrants have to acquire upon their immersion. For instance, you can mention socialization skills as I have - or perhaps delve into other integration issues that are commonplace in these types of metropolitan, multi-cultural cities.

Trying to replace your words with more appropriate and specific content with help you elevate your essay's structure. Furthermore, it will also help if you evade aggressive tones in academic essays as they are informal and do not contribute anything analytical to the content. Remember that even when you are reporting observations, you should maintain a neutral tone to ensure that you are able to facilitate the right judgement.

Try to be more specific with your wordings as you are structuring your essay. Try to also be consistent with the forms of verb, terminologies. You can always try to proofread your own essay, seek for second opinions, or simply consult your grammar books to ensure that you are on the right track.

Best of luck.
OP Linh Dieu 8 / 16 1  
Apr 28, 2019   #3
@Maria thank you so much for worth advices

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