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Immigrants shouldn't be responsible for adjusting in their newly adopted country.


thiet sun 5 / 6 1  
Feb 10, 2015   #1
Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In order to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and codes of behavior.

Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, migrating to other countries has become more popular with people than ever before. This needs integration of newcomers into society. While there are some valid arguments to the contrary, I completely concur with the idea that immigrants should be responsible for adjusting to rules of behavior and local customs in their adopted country.

Firstly, it is vitally important that newcomers observe the law of their adopted country for the sake of societal order. It seems to be complicated and extremely dangerous when Vietnamese drive on the different sides of the road with the British in England. Thus, it is very essential for immigrants to reveal the observation of the law of their new country regardless of any differences to laws in their home country. Two further instance, possession of firearm and casino is permitted in some countries but prohibited in others.

Secondly and more importantly, to maintain societal balance and cohesion it is needed for immigrants to respect social norm of their adopted country. There are interest galore in a society with various cultures. Nonetheless, I would contend that people who live in the same culture get united more easily than others live in different cultures. In addition, societal balance can be demolished by the variety of cultures. Therefore, relinquishing the old norm and receiving the new one is a best way for the balance in society.

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that migrating to the other countries should be controlled carefully to maintain the balance and unity in each country and immigrants should relinquish their old ways and adapt a new one.

kibz95 16 / 53 15  
Feb 10, 2015   #2
Hello Mr. THiet,
I may be too harsh in evaluating this essay, but I hope you don't feel offended and take my strict words as advices.
First, you introduction is too bland. There's no flavor. You say there are several arguments contradicting to your agreement but so far no have stated nothing. When you said "While there are some valid arguments to the contrary," you could have added, "such as advocates to the salad bowl theory," or whatever to further detail your essay. Furthermore, your first paragraph dangerously lack details. You say that the newcomers should observe the conditions and rules of the society they immigrated to, but you didn't say any reason why. No matter how obvious some points may sound, if you do not write them, there is no proof for the readers to see that you truly understand the circumstances of your topic. Although your second paragraph did explain why social balance is important, there's no example to clarify your statement.

Your conclusion is really weak. You restated the topic in a completely different manner. Remember, the topic asked you whether you agree or disagree that immigrants should abandon their old ways to adapt to their new environment. There was nothing about 'controlling immigrants' which means that the numbers of immigrants should be controlled. The conclusion shouldn't even be a part of this essay.

Once again, I apologize if you are offended by my rather frank words, I hope you read my comment as advice.


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