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Short essay on immigration (IELTS task 2)

louisepham 1 / 1  
May 3, 2019   #1

Immigration has a major impact on the society.

What are the main reasons of immigration? To what consequences can it lead?
Write at least 250 words.

Naturally, human beings were born nomadic. Proofs are throughout our history, a large number of migrations of different ethnicities to various parts of the globe had been discovered and scientifically proved by fossils remained in the soil. 21st century, too, witnessed a massive wave of human's migration. However, the reasons accounted for this phenomenon can be different than in the past and going hand in hand with it is the corresponding consequences exerted on our world.

First and foremost, it is no doubt that wars are the main reason for modern immigration. Over the past few years, Middle Eastern countries have been undergoing bloody conflicts, namely civil wars, foreign interventions, and even terrorism. These wars led to a tragic situation that many people' fatherlands became no longer habitable for them due to the fear of getting killed anytime. Many hospitals and schools are blocked and discontinued due to wars, which is a serious issue because education and proper healthcare are human's basic needs. As a result of which, people have no choice but to seek asylums in safer neighbouring countries.

Secondly, people from less developed nations also seek immigration opportunities to wealthy countries in search of better lives. In this age of globalization, news and information about the world are accessible to anyone through portrays of media such as television, newspaper and especially internet. Therefore, people from poor countries can be aware of their own countries' inadequate social welfare system or corruption, which leads to their attempts to seek better lives in richer countries.

Undoubtedly, taking a large number of migrants at once can be a heavy burden for any nation in the world. For example, Turkey currently ranks the first in the list of countries bearing the most immigrants due to its adjacent locations to Middle Eastern countries' warzones. Meanwhile, Turkey also has its own problems such as instabilities, social welfare, and unemployment. Thus, taking care of millions of immigrants can be extremely tough and can harm the country's economy as well as safety. A tremendous amount of money must be spent on the settlements of the immigrants and even bigger amount of money is required to sustain their lives, which puts a burden on the host country's economy. Furthermore, surveillance on immigrants can be a challenging task because of the overwhelming number of people as well as vagueness in their identities. Hence, social evils such as thefts, violence or even terrorism can have more chances to spring up.

To sum up, immigration stems from two main reasons, namely war and people seeking better lives. In some cases, immigration is inevitable because of life-or-death situations of immigrants. So other countries offer to share the responsibility of taking in immigrants taking in the risk that this can also cause many troubles to the host nations in terms of economic burden and safety.

Maria - / 1,100 389  
May 3, 2019   #2
Watch out for your usage of punctuation. Note that there were instances wherein you could have transitioned your sentences better through using appropriate punctuation and remarks.

Remove excess texts that do not substantially contribute to the essay.

Let's look at the first paragraph as a reference.

Human beings are naturally nomadic. The proof is throughout history; large-scale migrations of different ethnicity groups to various parts of the globe have been discovered. These are scientifically proven by fossils remaining in the soil. Up until the 21st century, waves of migration persist. [...]

Using more academic terminologies can go a long way to improve the tone of your essay. Notice how instead of saying a large number, you can just say large-scale. This technique will help you boil down your essay tremendously.

I would also recommend that you try to explicitly mention and capitalize on the differentiation between the second and third paragraph. Notice how the former is a historical account of migration, while the latter focuses on its modern-day accompaniment.

Doing things such as this will help your essay tremendously.

Best of luck.
OP louisepham 1 / 1  
May 4, 2019   #3
Thanks so much! Your suggestions are very useful
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
May 5, 2019   #4
Are you trying to write an IELTS essay task 2? This essay is good. However, it seems that you are suffering to develop a succinct introduction.

When it comes to an introductory paragraph, you just need to paraphrase the rubric and state your claim. Let me give you an example of this:

More reasons why people have moved from one to other places can be seen. It is believed that the leading causes are war attack as well as opportunities for better lives, and this brings more consequences on how immigrants pose a fiscal burden on the host country budget.

Hopefully you can learn from the one I share above.

Best of luck for your IELTS exam

Eddy Suaib, English Studio Indonesia, IELTS Kampung Inggris Pare Kediri

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