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The impact of advances in technology on office workers productivity- TOEFL integrated essay

NourNour 22 / 39 7  
Feb 5, 2016   #1
Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they respond to the specific points made in the reading passage.

Both the writer and the professor are discussing the impact of advances in technology on office workers. The author states that this advance reduces the productivity of workers and causes them health issues; however, the professor asserts that technology increases workers' productivity.

First of all, the writer affirms that advances in technology affects adversely the employees' productivity. He explains that those who stay the whole day on their desks and do not leave it even in lunch time have health problems which lead them to be less productive.

On the other hand, the professor avouches that technology is an important factor in increasing office workers productivity. To illustrate this idea, she provides the example of the photocopy machines used in the past which needs an assistant to accomplish the job and the modern ones which work without assistance. Moreover, the professor points out that emails have reduced time and efforts spent on holding face to face meetings which increases the productivity of office employees.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Feb 5, 2016   #2
Nour, there is only one speaker in this research and that is the writer or author of the paper. He is the one who came up with the thesis statement, discussion, and offered possible solutions to the problem. So it is incorrect for you to imply that there are two points of view or writers in this instance. There is only one and it should be depicted as such in your summary essay.

I am not sure where the example of the photocopy machine came from. I do not see that in this report. Do not offer any information that is not contained in your reference material as your summary will be fact checked against the original work. Aside from that, you seem to have forgotten that essays should contain sentences and be clearly depicted as such. The use of semicolons in this instance made your essays shorter and thus, non compliant with the minimum requirements. Had you opted to use periods instead, the essay would have come across as more professional and informative. At this point, the essay seems rushed and little understood on your end because you are seemingly not stating facts but rather, portions of the essay only.
OP NourNour 22 / 39 7  
Feb 7, 2016   #3
Thank you Louisa for your reply.
Actually, in the integrated essay of the TOEFL, the test taker should read a passage, which I uploaded it as an image, then listen to a script which I couldn't upload it because it is an audio file, in order to write an essay that explains how the points in reading passage and the lecture are connected. I wish I can attach audio files to my threads in order to get authentic feedbacks.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Feb 7, 2016   #4
I know that you were supposed to listen to an audio report. The problem with that is, as you said, we cannot access that kind of file in this forum. So it becomes a problem when advising students. The only way I can think of for you to get better feedback is if you can create some sort of list of important information from the audio file that you can also upload to the server. Just include the important points as you hear them. A written transcript of the audio file is the best option in this case.

Don't get me wrong though, the essay is good enough for your intent and purpose. It contains whatever salient information you heard while listening to the audio file. My critique was based on not having heard the audio file. My apologies for that. As you know, we have limited access to the files here. I believe we will eventually find a way to work around it though.

Your reporting was accurate enough and the grammar shows some advanced vocabulary. The sentence devices can use some work but overall, I believe you did a pretty good job on the essay.
OP NourNour 22 / 39 7  
Feb 9, 2016   #5
It is okey Louise :) I find all the feedbacks in this forum beneficial especially yours. I understand that uploading audio files may not be possible because of their huge size and time they take to be listened compared to images. I will try to attach pictures or just write a summary of the lectures in may next threads. Thank you for your reply. :)

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