Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


IELTS TASK2 - Impact of machine work; the proliferation of the machines is a two-edged sword


Penny2 1 / -  
Nov 20, 2018   #1
hi,there,please give me some advice about this essay blow.
Thanks!

more and more jobs and tasks are done by machines



Nowadys,more and more jobs and taks are done by machines which invlove hard physical work.Do these effects of this trend outweigh the negative effects?

There was a conspicuous tendency that high-technology machines implemented in a variety of industries in recent years. Some people hold a passion opinion about this, but I believe that enables people to live in a more convenient life.

Owing to the fact that lots of physical hard works were undertaken by the machinery,promoting people a bigger space in innovation and creativity. As for individuals, people are free up in the repetitive and body-harm physical works, which saves them much time and energy. From the community side, their management can become more efficient and convenient through the labor-saving machinery,another case in point is that these machines save their labors costs a lot. In the development of industry, after the machine finishing the basic work, people are able to devote in intelligent area,such as projects produced,engineering design or liberties writing and so on.

As a proverb goes, there is no garden without weeds. Seen from the negative aspect, some potential problems we cannot deny. Relying on the high-technology for a long time, people may cause a sense of dependence. Besides, with the increasing of losing the jobs which replaced by machines, the employment will be more competitive. However these results are also unavoidable in the process of society developing, which forces people to acquire advanced knowledge and skills to meet the requirements constantly. In short, these competition that results in machines undertaking more tasks can make people to work hard to keep a dominant position.

In conclusion, the proliferation of the machines is a two-edged sword. But I believe the employment competition also brings some positive influence to some extent.
bishop00 2 / 1  
Nov 20, 2018   #2
Hi Penny, the essay has a lot of misspelled words as well as punctuation errors such as incorrect spacing with punctuation and some misuse of article

. the idea of the essay is not clear enough and it needs to be edited

Look at this version, it will help you

... tendency in high-technology ... hold a passionate opinion about this, ... that this enables people to live ...

Because the machinery undertook lots of hard physical work, people had a bigger space in ... As for ... body-harm physical tasks[/R], which ... From the ... machinery, another case ... In the development of industry, after the machine finishing the basic work, people [R]can devote in ...

... negative aspect, there are some potential ...
Consequently, with the increasing ...
... the requirements regularly.


Again there are some sentences that are not clear enough but for the sake of the idea, I think that it is understandable.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2 - Impact of machine work; the proliferation of the machines is a two-edged sword
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳