Unanswered [2] | Urgent [1] - SERVICES
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7

TOEFL - Impact made by fast food on our lives


faheddarmoch 4 / 5  
Aug 19, 2013   #1
Nowadays, food become more easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live? Use specific reasons ad examples to support your answer

In this rapid changing world and fast rhythm life style, the people started to devote more of their time for work other than any aspect in their life. One of those aspects is the decreasing the time given for preparing he food which made the people face toward he fast food rather than cooking their own healthy meals.

Fast food, as included in its name, is the type of food that going to be ready in few minutes which something all the people nowadays look for under the circumstances of a very competitive environment and a huge work load in their jobs. But, the problem here that the fast food has many side effects that started to be obvious on peoples' health and social life.

Beginning with health problem, which I consider the most dangerous threat of the fast food, all the studies conducted on the people who ate fast food regularly on daily basis , started to gave many health problems, majorly cardiac problems and blood sugar, in addition to the blood level measurements were markedly elevated which predispose those people to a very risky and dangerous disease in the future for example there is a movie called "Supersize Me" which talks about the changes of blood pressure, lipid and sugar changes in the blood of a person who decided to eat McDonalds everyday for 30 days and the results were horrible.

Moving to the next point, which is how the fast food affect our social life. Before the fast food, most of the families used to meet at the dinner time interacting and discussing different life aspects and daily life on the dinner table, but fast food contributed indirectly by making the family gathering hard to be.

Finally, I would say Junk food affected many aspects of our life directly and indirectly. So, recently all the advertisements and media including TV, Radio and all other social media possible are trying to concentrate and focus on the fast food threat and affects.

dumi 1 / 6,930 1592  
Aug 19, 2013   #2
In this rapid changing world and fast rhythm life style, the people started to devote more of their time for work other than any aspect in their life

Sounds a bit too crowded with too many words. Present it with more clarity and in a simple interesting manner.

which made the people face toward he fast food rather than cooking their own healthy meals

...which influenced the people to rely on fast foods instead of cooking their own meals at home.

Fast food, as included in its name, is the type of food that is going to be ready in few minutes which something all the people nowadays look for under the circumstances of a very competitive environment and a huge work load in their jobs.

.... another long sentence again :(
Pahan 1 / 1,909 553  
Aug 20, 2013   #3
Beginning with health problem, which I consider the most dangerous threat of the fast food, all the studies conducted on the people who ate fast food regularly on daily basis , started to gave many health problems, majorly cardiac problems and blood sugar, in addition to the blood level measurements were markedly elevated which predispose those people to a very risky and dangerous disease in the future for example there is a movie called "Supersize Me" which talks about the changes of blood pressure, lipid and sugar changes in the blood of a person who decided to eat McDonalds everyday for 30 days and the results were horrible.

Hey... the above is just one sentence, isn't it? That's way too long my dear friend. Focus on writing shorter sentences. You need to have better clarity in your writing and the best way to have it is by writing short interesting sentences. Write one line for one idea. The reader is reluctant to keep memorizing your stuff to keep connecting your ideas to understand what you've written. :(
ybi88 2 / 2  
Aug 20, 2013   #4
Your overall message seems to be there however there are a lot of grammatical and mechanical errors. Also, be sure not to over "flulff" certain points and be clear and concise about it. Good job though.
joyhu 9 / 22 5  
Aug 21, 2013   #5
the people started to devote more of their time for work other than any aspect in their life.

One of those aspects is the decreasing the time given for preparing he(the?) food which made the people face toward he(the?) fast food rather than cooking their own healthy meals.

This sentence is too long and it is also too hard to read.

Beginning withthe health problem,

who decided to eat McDonalds everyday for 30 days and the results were horrible

I am not sure if I'm right, but I think you could try to change them into "decided to eat McDonalds day after day for a month "
Hsinyu 2 / 2  
Aug 22, 2013   #6
I didn't see any obviously grammatical problems.
Beside, I do like your point of view!!
Wish you good luck! =)
congchop 7 / 14 2  
Aug 22, 2013   #7
One of those aspects is the decreasing the time given for preparing he food which made the people face toward he fast food rather than cooking their own healthy meals.

You should rewrite this sentence


Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Impact made by fast food on our lives