advancement of technology and interpersonal bonds
Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the mount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
There is no doubt that advancement of technology has transformed the way people communicate with each other.. Although some people think that this development has had bad impact on social life due to less amount of time people meet their friends, I do not agree with this opinion.
In the past, people communicated with their friends via letter and phone. Apparently, these ways took a long time and were quite expensive. A busy lifestyle and far distances also made it hard for people to have a face-to-face conversation with others. The result was that their relationships tended to be faded away./ suffered.
However, nowadays, most people can use modern means of communication such as electronic email and messaging which allow them to be in constant contact with others . Everyone can send and receive instant messages without any costs. For example, I have a friend who is studying in a university in the south of Vietnam which is about 1200 kilometers from where I am living. However, we always spend at least 4 to 5 hours a week chatting with others. This enables us to keep up with everything happening in our lives. As a result, I can maintain an enduring relationship with him. I think it is difficult to argue that electronic email and messaging have diminished/ lessened the amount of time people see each other. In contrast, people are spending more time going out with their families and friends as it has been easier for them to organize events by notifying others in advance.
In conclusion, I totally disagree with the statement in the question. I believe that modern communications have improved people's social lives as they permit humans to strengthen the relationship with their friends.
this development has had bad impact on...
I think you should change "bad" into "detrimental" or other more formal synonyms
You've take a good example in your third paragraph to make your point more convincing.
Besides, your sentences goes coherently!
There is only one suggestion I would like to make:
The second paragraph can be longer to defend your arguement, perhaps add a short example about your parents' experience will help!
Good luck for you
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll provide you with writing feedback. I hope you find this forum helpful for your learning journey.
Firstly, try to integrate the usage of sentences and/or phrases that would help you create firmer and more concise lines. For instance, try to say indubitably instead of mentioning how you cannot doubt something. Having hold of more complex and meaningful words such as this would help you develop a more organized writing approach.
Furthermore, try to be more direct with the phrasing of your lines. Evade the usage of hefty and/or bulky sentences as they add unnecessary weight to the essay. Try to focus on simpler lines. Notice how uneasy your second and third paragraphs are because of this.
Best of luck as always.