Museums and artworks are important for the country, for the history, and culture from international down to the local arena. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement and give your opinion.
Some people believe that the emergence of modern art techniques and discovery of various contemporary works of art have led the people to give less significance to the benefits of museums and artworks to the society. They are of the opinion that the civilization has discovered new platforms to present artworks which are far better than historical galleries.
Moreover, it is widely believed that due to technology, the interest and enthusiasm of art fanatics to visit art museums have declined. A case in point to consider is the accessibility of an individual to view ancient works of art using a gadget such as a laptop or a tablet. This way, it eases them from the burden of inconvenience visiting an art exhibit.
In addition, it is often argued that instead of investing a part of the country's budget to be allocated for the improvement of art museums and conduction of art exhibitions, why not spend money for the enhancement of education and development of other government programs. These actions are far more reasonable and can lead to a more sophisticated nation.
However, I firmly stand with a point that museums and artworks are vital part of a nation's history and culture. They strengthen cultural identity by keeping the general public aware that they can see and learn their country's significant past events and be proud of the traditional artworks made by their own countrymen.
Furthermore, as historical art galleries preserve the roots and origins of a certain place, they also make sure that artifacts, famous paintings, and primitive ancestral materials are secured for the next generation to witness and be proud of. Consequently, the children of the future will be ensured free of ignorance about their country's own culture.
As a final point, museums and art galleries can contribute to the economic profit of the society by attracting foreign historians and art enthusiasts to showcase their interesting works of art. For instance, international art conventions and exhibitions, where art competitions are held and joined by various nationalities, aim to generate yields for the advancement of modern as well as traditional art locally and internationally.
In my own experience, my country, the Philippines, has never neglected the fundamental function of art in the society. Apart from being a leisure, dealing with various types of art has led famous and ordinary individuals to treat this as a therapeutic activity intended to seek personal and social growth and development.
I therefore believe that galleries and different works of art will always be vital for the success and prosperity of a nation, from its international down to the local aspect.
-JADEUER ORERO-
Hi Jade, I have no idea on how to properly respond an essay from suspended (new) member, either to say "welcome" or "goodbye". I think that it is so unfortunate when you got suspended from this remarkable forum. Thus, if you still interested in to be a member by creating a new account, I hope that you will not break any rules in order to stay up-to-date and practice with other members.
With regards to your essay, I believe that 8 (eight) paragraphs are too many. This leads to an essay with no clear focus and confusing structure. For the betterment of your essay, I suggest you to make only 4 or 5 paragraphs maximum. The detailed descriptions below might help you.
1st paragraph:
- In the first sentence, you can just simply paraphrase the question,
- Then, in the second sentence, write a thesis statement,
- Next, in the third sentence you can outline your statement above.
2nd and 3rd paragraph have the same structure:
- state your IDEA in the first sentence
- explain it WHY your idea is good
- give EXAMPLE related to your idea
- say the IMPLICATION or RESULT of your idea
- CONCLUDE the whole paragraph in a single sentence
4th paragraph:
- summary your main points by paraphrasing the thesis statement
- give recommendation, fear, or hope for the future
As you can see, that is a simple essay structure but well-developed. This would be beneficial towards your band score and more likely to reach a high band score. Hopefully, you can join this forum again :)
Hi Jade, as I go through the essay, I must say the ideas are quiet confusing, confusing because you seem to have almost ended your essay in the 3rd to the last paragraph, then again you have a few more paragraphs following this that made the essay appear to be indecisive, so you see, it is confusing.
When confronted with this kind of confusion, I normally go through the essay again, outline the points that you want to be depicted in your essay, follow them through, make sure that you highlight each and every point and stick to it. Be cautious on the sequence or the flow of your essay as this will be the overall outcome of the ideas you are trying to point out in your essay.
In a written argument such as this one, it will definitely help that you have a firm idea of the matter, which in this case you did, however, it should also be coupled with a well structured idea that will strengthen your stand point.
Furthermore, this topic is absolutely overwhelming and can really create a well written argument. Now, there's not much to revise the essay, however, I suggest that you zip the last three paragraphs and turn into one final conclusive part and this should create a stronger argumentative essay.
