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"The importance of biodiversity" task 2 writng module IELTS


Sabrena_amal 1 / -  
Mar 25, 2017   #1
"Biodiversity importance is being more widely recognized as increasing the numbers of species under threat"

What can be done to maintain biodiversity?



Biodiversity importance is being more widely recognized as increasing the numbers of species under threat. How to protect them is the scope of the many campaigns in order to protect and increase their presence much more. Solutions must be suggested in order to establish and help preserveincreasing the biodiversity. In this essay I'll argue some suggestions introduced.

In a way to protect the already present rare species either animal or plants we need to launch more campaigns that would take care in increasing awareness about the threat coming of losing such species. As young kids being new to such concept and may not know what's the importance of biodiversity to their future life, it's quite needed to discuss the importance of biodiversity to their future planet in their lessons; going to camps and let them know about these plants and animals threatened more closer. However people may disagree that getting deep in such subject in their children lesson as it's considered a waste of time and more important subject need to be discussed.

Other solutions suggested is by provide a major protection for animals as being an important part of biodiversity. One way suggested is by building natural open zoos where they can live and reproduce naturally simulating their original occurring habitats. These zoos must be protected against hunting, no people can live there as it may contain dangerous animals to be lived with. Moreover, a specialized units in nursery and doctors must present. This can be done for plants in the same manner as having them in unique agricultural media where they can be protected and reproduced without any external threat.

At the end, these suggestions should be considered as preserving biodiversity is essential to keep this planet works normally as it used to before our presence. On the other hand, we don't see that attention given to such important topic instead we see a careless acts and negligence from both government and people toward keeping what's destroyed before. More attention must be given and more acts must be organized to have a healthier planet.

Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Mar 26, 2017   #2
Sabrena, the prompt discussion and instructions are not clear in your opening statement. The outline for discussion is not logically presented. Additionally, you are not arguing in this essay but rather, presenting ideas. Therefore to say that your essay will "argue suggestions" creates a conflict. A suggestion cannot be argued because an argument indicates a disagreement on at least two sides of the discussion which, in this case, doesn't exist as you did not mention any conflicting sides in your opening statement.

Make it a habit to only present one idea for discussion per paragraph. That is because you only have 5 sentences at the most with which to discuss your reasons. Presenting a second idea within the same paragraph is not possible as you will be unable to fully develop your reasons for that discussion. More importantly, please make sure that you do not deviate from the prompt requirement, as you did in the second paragraph, by presenting a secondary, unrelated topic for discussion.

The rest of your argument seems to be acceptable and allows for a logical flow of thought. While the grammar is problematic, your discussion is not so blurred that the reader will not be able to understand what you are saying. The discussion is acceptable and understandable.
Datnguyen 2 / 6 2  
Mar 26, 2017   #3
@Sabrena_amal
Sabrena, In my opinion, I think you need more support sentences for each thesis (Use examples or further explanation to support the claim made in the topic sentence). Besides, you are not necessary argument in this essay. You should give mean point in first sentence of paragraphs to reader can understand what you mean.
yuukinohan4 9 / 24 6  
Mar 26, 2017   #4
Hi @Sabrena_amal

Biodiversity importance is being more widely recognized as increasing the numbers of species under threat.

It is really alike with the prompt, even so you really need to paraphrase the sentence.

In this essay I'll argue some suggestions introduced.

IELTS essay is comprised academic writing, meaning that you have to avoid using contractions on yours

no people can live there as it may contain dangerous animals to be lived with

i think this sentence does not relate to the topic that you are asked to discuss and also in the paragraph you placed.

In body paragraph, you can emphasize your idea by using example rather than add additional idea that seems like need more explanation to deliver.

In conclusion, you can paraphrase your thesis statement and main ideas so that it can finalize your thoughts.

hope it helps you


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