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IELTS Writing Task 2: Importance of Economics or Other Type of Progess

ying_chen 3 / 5  
Feb 20, 2018   #1
Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other type of progress are equally important for a country.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

an impact of progression

Economic growth is one of the key elements for a country which are agreed by many governments. Nevertheless, there are few more necessary factors that are affecting a country, including the progress of environment, health, wellness and public transportation infrastructure. I'll elaborate more in the following paragraph.

The increasing economy help business grows and creates more job opportunities, it also triggers the international trades by a globalizing world. For instance, Gogoro was a domestic company in Taiwan at first. By introducing the first mass production electronic motorcycles and receiving the assistance from the government, it becomes the leading corporation in this area, heading to the international markets like Howland and providing a hundred of employment contracts. Besides the economic growth, the living cost is gradually increasing. Government is responsible to solve the problems.

On the other hand, others types of progress are also important for a country. Firstly, the protection of the environment is urgently required. Along with the rising economy, more and more pollutions were caused by industrial activities. The recent air pollution is one of the most severest issue we are facing. Secondly, health and wellness programs are not much organised and completed. In many countries, elderly retirement and beneficial mechanism are waiting to have further discussion. Lastly, the maintenance and new construction of public transportation is one of the indispensable elements. Following the climbing populations and various ways of trade, the basic and advanced distribution methods need to be kept improving.

To sum up, I agree the economic progress is one of the essential elements for a country. However, environment, health, wellness and transportation are also the key factors which impact an overall progression of a country.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,948 3857  
Feb 21, 2018   #2
Ying, this essay is lacking a proper opening paraphrase of the original prompt, an accurate 3 body paragraph discussion, and a properly formatted summary conclusion paragraph. These problems account for more than half the passing consideration of your essay and your failure to provide these elements means that your essay will fail in the TA section. This will make it harder for you to get a passing score based on the remaining scoring elements.

The proper paraphrase must indicate your understanding of the prompt as it was given to you. That means, you must deliver your own understanding of the following in the paragraph:

1. Topic for discussion
2. The mention of point of view 1
3. Mention of point of view 2
3. Thesis statement with a reference to your personal opinion as part of the discussion prior to the concluding statement.

You did well in the first 2 body paragraphs but then failed to properly present an informative personal point of view because you discussed this as a closing statement with only 2 sentences within it. This created an open ended essay which means that your ability to discuss your point of view in a relevant manner was not accomplished. This also means that you have no conclusion to draw upon so that the discussion can be considered summarized and closed. A concluding statement does not present a continued discussion, as in a personal opinion, because this paragraph is meant to summarize the important points of the discussion as an information reminder for the reader's consideration.

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