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The importance of fashionable clothes to humans - Review my IELTS


tvda 1 / 2  
Mar 12, 2019   #1
Topic: In modern society, fashion is becoming more highly valued in people's choice of clothes. Why? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

fashion boom in the developing world



My essay:

Many years ago, our ancestor that underwent the situation of stablising the world that occured countless war to invade or self - defend. In this situation, hardly we could conceive that fashion would be more precise in the future. In my view, it is a great expression to reflect the society progressing.

First, while the basic human needs were met like food, water, they would begin to consider the less basic and fundamental needs like clothings. This means that we could realise the great progress without incredibly regarding what people would digest in the next days. It is a signal that make society more progressive and have access to the more valuable things.

I believe that it is a positive development to live in a society that everyone have their self - expression to reflect their own characters, taste, likes. For example, without saying any word, we could still catch surrounding people's attention by individual clothing styles which in turn creat the great sympathy from people around. While your appearance is actually polite, this also express your respect to the others.

To conclude, the value of how fashionable they wear is increasingly more important to human race that is a signal of the pace of development. The popularity of thinking would let people seek themselves through what they want to put on their body.

Ekaputri17 6 / 12 7  
Mar 12, 2019   #2
Hy @tvda, This is my suggestion:
1. in the introduction: your paraphrase less capturing the topic of the background task
2.'while' used to show two opposing ideas (paragraph 2 line 1 and paragraph 3 line 2)
3. recheck before you conduct scoring to avoid misspelling
OP tvda 1 / 2  
Mar 13, 2019   #3
Thank for your reviewing. I got it and I will try to find out more to avoid these mistakes and get my next essay better.

Good luck! Have a nice day!
Holt - / 7,546 2001  
Mar 14, 2019   #4
Tran, I know that you put a great effort into working ont his essay. Unfortunately, your efforts were all for naught because you failed to provide a proper prompt para[hrase for this essay. You changed the discussion from the original one provided to one that you chose to discuss, hence the automatic failing TA score, which always leads to a failed Task 2 test. Here is the point where your essay automatically failed:

Original prompt: In modern .... Why? Do ...positive or negative development?
Response: Many years ago, our ancestor that underwent the situation of stablising the world that occured countless war to invade or self - defend. In this situation, hardly we could conceive that fashion would be more precise in the future. In my view, it is a great expression to reflect the society progressing.

War and our ancestors have nothing to do with the topic to be discussed. The time frame referred to in the essay is "modern times", which means present day. Aside from that, you are not provided a response (positive or negative) to the direct question. Instead, you are saying that fashion is reflects social progress. That is not a positive or negative response. The correct paraphrase is:

Our current social structure places more emphasis on the way that people choose their look through a particular dress style. I believe that this is happening because social media constantly promotes the idea of the #OOTD (Outfit Of The Day). As a result, society has been negatively affected by the modern fashion movement.

Your prompt paraphrase must always remain aligned with the original presentation. You should never create your own discussion topic or requirements that runs counter to the original set of discussion instructions.
OP tvda 1 / 2  
Mar 29, 2019   #5
Thanks Holt. It is a good idea about my shortcomings. I'll base on this to improve my writing skills.


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