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IELTS importance of co-operation rather than competition in children's education

cocoyan 2 / 3  
May 20, 2012   #1
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The intense of competition in the graduate job markets has prompted many educators to emphasis the importance of competition rather than co-operation between students. But is such a competitive skill the basis of being a useful adult?

The advantages of being competitive in the modern society are apparent. People who have such abilities are believed more likely to gain competitive jobs, win in a business and become the leaders of the masses. The capacity of competitiveness and individualism cultivated in an early age, admittedly, do help the person to win in some circumstances.

On the other hand, even though such person may success to some extent, it is hard for them to maintain their achievements in a long term basis. The fundamental reason for this is, I believe, they are more easily to be an enemy of team workers, business partners and even their bosses due to their personality of being selfish and individualism. Without cooperating and collaborating with others, they would encounter many barriers from different aspects and would not be able to achieve any success.

Apart from that, children, specifically, with over-strong ambitious to be a winner are more likely to suffer failure psychologically due to their emotional immature. It is the educators' responsibility to enhance the children's ability comprehending what is team work, why it is essential to be a good team-player, and how to win through cooperating with others. With those in mind, they will hold positive attitudes with the supports from their teams to face challenges and failure during any competitions.

In conclusion, it is advantageous to have ability to compete with others, while learning to be a good team player and compete in a positive way is the fundament to be a success adult in a long-term basis. Thus, educators must emphasis the importance of co-operation rather than competition in children's education.

Tabomb3214 - / 2  
May 20, 2012   #2
In your last paragraph don't use "in conclusion," that is way too generic, and is considered by many teachers to be unprofessional. Also it should say " to have the ability" in your last paragraph.
hadi1981 25 / 44  
May 20, 2012   #3
Hi Tabomb

May I ask what should I use instead of in conclusion as you said it may refer to unprofessional writer ?
sophie789 7 / 11  
May 20, 2012   #4
In my opinion, I think it's ok when using " in conclusion " in IELTS writing.
OP cocoyan 2 / 3  
Jun 6, 2012   #5
Thank you so much. Your correction is really helpful.

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