Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university.
Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.
Some people believe that it is essential for teenagers to have a pause for taking a job in some years before entering academic education in university. Even though this case has some drawbacks, I extremely believe that working after passing school is so useful and helping school leavers to develop their characters.
There are some negative effects for having a job for a period of time between school and university. Firstly, young people lose their time and are left behind when they work since the university students start their lesson immediately and master them first. As the result, working teenagers have less progress than them. In addition, taking job can reduce the opportunities for having a better occupation since they have a gap of time for choose sooner.
On the other hand, working immediately after graduated from school can bring more advantages. Initially, teenagers can have more time to prepare their lessons before enter the university since usually they do not understand the important concept of some subject when they were in the high school. Another benefit is people become more independent and having more experiences in working field. Therefore, teenagers will have a better characters and soft skills which cannot be obtained in formal education.
To conclude, having job directly after passing high school can bring some drawbacks such as having less progress and reducing their opportunities. However, I would argue that this case give them understanding about the value of life and develop their characters.
Prompt: Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university.
Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.
Your said: You believe that young people should take a job after high-school, because they have more time to prepare for college; they tend to be more independent; and have more working experience.
Your grammar is almost perfect; I would like to provide some suggestions:
1st paragraph
"Even though this casechoice has some drawbacks, I extremely believe that working after passing school is so useful and helping school-leavers to develop their characters."
2nd paragraph
"... are left behind when they work because the university students start their lesson immediately after high schools and master themtheir academic skills first.
... reduce the opportunities for having a better occupation becausesince they have a gap year in their resumea gap of time for choose sooner ."
3rd paragraph
"On the other hand, working immediately after graduatinged from high- school can bring more advantages.
... lessons before enter the university because usually they do not understand ...
Another benefit is peoplethey become more independent and having more experiences in workingthe field. Therefore, teenagers will have a better characters and ..."
4th paragraph
"To conclude, although having job directly after passing ... However, I would argue that, this caseworking experience gives them understanding about the value ..."
2sd paragraph
In addition, taking a job can reduce the opportunities (...) have a gap of time for choosing sooner.
3rd paragraph
On the other hand, working immediately after graduating from school can bring more advantages.
... prepare their lessons before enteringintothe university since usually they ...
... having more experiences in the working field. Therefore, teenagers will have a better characters and soft skills ...
4th paragraph
To conclude, having a job directly after passing high ...
However, I would argue that this case gives them understanding about ...
Suggestions:
- Your usage of transitional phrases is well.
- Looks like you may be employing some over-used words. For example, the word some .
I will give you a hand..
Actually you do not define clearly the young people that you discuss in your essay. I found that you wrote 'graduated students' in the third paragraph but in the last paragraph, you used 'after passing the high school'. It makes readers confuse about subject that you discuss, so just make specific definition of your subjects.
