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[toefl] important business woman; business or house?


marmaria 10 / 30 5  
Sep 12, 2013   #1
you have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. which would you choose to buy? give pecific reasons to explain your choice.

I am an engineer and having my own business is one of my dreams. So, it is apparent that if I had enough money I would prefer to purchase a business.

The manager's success is always dependent on their employee's knowledge, energy and skill. Although I am aware of the importance of management in rolling a company or a business, but the most beneficial and prestigious one among all of the people, who collaborate in the project, is the "manager". I do not really like to work for other people because I want to view the results of my attempts in my own life. When you are some body's employee your progress in your life is in the hands of another one and your attempts, struggles and skills would have a partly effect on it. For example when I started my job, there was a dead-end project about cooling the computers using micro channel heat sinks, which was accidently was my specialty. I could solve the problem they had about the cooling liquid. What I got was a card of thanks from my boss with a cheque for 200$, which is half my salary. In contrary what he got was an innovative technology which really increased his sells.

Also, when I close my eyes I see myself a very rich and powerful person. By purchasing a business and turning it into a successful one, I can fulfill many of my dreams that buying a house is just one of them. For example I really like to build a school in a distant country near my home town named "Bartios". It does not have any high school for girls, so many on them do not have opportunity to continue their studies. I want to help them to learn how to live and stand on their feet.

In conclusion, as you understand, I am a very active girl who wishes to be very successful and important business woman. I always say, people should live in a way that when they become old and look at their life line, they should find it very unique and valuable and be proud of themselves.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Sep 26, 2013   #2
I am an engineer and having my own business is one of my dreams. So, it is apparent that if I had enough money I would prefer to purchase a business.

this is good :) However, you need to introduce your prompt. In this case it deals with two options, the house or the business! So you need to talk about the other option too.

The manager's success is always dependent on their employee's knowledge, energy and skills .

Although I am aware of the importance of management in rolling a company or a business, but the most beneficial and prestigious one among all of the people, who collaborate in the project, is the "manager"

.... this sentence is confusing. Avoid writing long sentences that may get you carried away at the end. Although is a connector and you cannot have "although" and "but" together in one sentence.

You can write well.... Only you need to follow a more logical structure, which I suggested to you in a little while ago. Train yourself to put your writing in that structure. You can earn good marks by doing so. I'm talking through experience as a TOEFL taker :)

Good Luck!


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