Please give me some feedback. Thanks a lot!
The most important consideration when choosing any career or jobs is having a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
At least once in a lifetime, everyone has to face the problem of choosing what is a good job and what are the indicators of a good job. Some people believe that having a high salary is the most important factor when picking a job. In my perspective, high-income jobs are not always the best, other aspects such as working conditions and the purpose of the job also needed to be considered.
With the progress of society, people are more concerned about the working conditions when they choose a job. If the job requires the employee to work overtime and even no weekend break, they will likely quit the job soon. For example, a report from VTV, the national broadcast tv of Vietnam, reported that a third of graduated students tend to quit their 9 to 5 jobs within 6 months of apprenticeship because of the overtime work
On the other hand, the meaning of the job is also crucial. Only when we find the purpose of the job, then we can go far and do good at it. A friend of mine graduated from a prestigious university and worked for a big bank quit his job after 4 years of relentlessly working hard because he felt like he was working as a robot and found no meaningful in his job.
In conclusion, while money is essential when choosing a job, other aspects such as working conditions and the purpose of the job also need to be considered.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,830 
4781 The response of the writer to the question is incomplete. He ommitted responding to the "To what extent?" question when he framed his response. This led to an under developed and misformatted discussion presentation. The ommission will result in high TA score penalties for this essay.
The first sentence is a prompt deviation as it changes the basis of the discussion presented. There is no "one in a lifetime" reference in the original. Being perhaps a personal opinion, the writer should have presented that as a part of his opinion presentation instead. For a prompt restatement not to receive deductions, it must successfully and directly restate the given topic within the first 2 sentences of the first paragraph.
When writing the opinion presentation, the writer must take note of the response format requirement. In this case, it was "To what extent?" Therefore the proper response should have been structured as:
I strongly oppose the given statement because other aspects such as working conditions and the purpose of the job also needed to be considered.
I highlighted the portion of the text that the response accuracy score will be based upon. The keywords representing a measured or emotional response are a scoring requirement in this case.
There was no sense in saying "On the other hand" to start the 2nd reasoning paragraph. Since this is a supporting reason and not an opposing reason, the opening sentence should have been a cohesive statement instead to help connect the 2 paragraphs and create a higher C+C score for the overall presentation. The writer could have instead said something like "Another important consideration is..." With the word "another" representing the connecting link between the two paragraphs.
One small ommission that the writer made which will also result in a very minimal, but still required deduction is the word count. He only wrote 249 words when the minimum is 250 words. Yes, a minute percentage deduction will still be applied because coming in under the minimum word count carries a scoring penalty, regardless of how close the writer was to the minimum requirement. Keep track of the words being written. It will be best to always write 5 sentences per paragraph to ensure that the word requirements are met. There is always a danger of coming in under the word count when only 3 sentences are written.
As far as the sentence structures and presentation are concerned, the writer does not have perfect sentence presentations and yes, there is no mix of sentence styles present in his writing. However, the ideas presented are understandable and does not confuse the reader so the lack of sentence styles will not be too much of a scoring problem. His GRA and C+C scores will remain somewhat strong. His vocabulary is acceptable even as it lacks advanced English word usage. Advanced English word usage is not as important as using simple but understandable words to make a point. That is what is being scored here, the proper use of English words, no matter how simple, to make oneself understood. Good job with that !
When considering the reasons presented, it is clear that the writer understood that this is a single opinion prompt, which he wrote accordingly. The writer did a good job in that aspect. The problem, is that he first changed the basis of the discussion in the restatement, used the wrong linking reference to connect the paragraphs, and finally, did not meet the 40 minimum word count or 2 sentence requirement for the otherwise appropriate summary conclusion to receive a better scoring consideration. Seeing how well the writer wrote this essay though, I can say that he just needs improvements to certain sections of his work in order to stand a chance of receiving a higher than average overall test score.
