TOEFL - Is it important to donate money to protect environment? New Era diseases

hi everyone, I am preparing for the Toefl Ibt,. PLease help me out with this essay to improve my writing skills in exam.
Thanx alot.

There are various way that a company can help in society as a whole. I strongly believe in the idea for the donation of money in protection of the environment. In the subsequent paragraphs I will explain the reasons for my preference of choice.

First of all, now a days, we all are living in highly polluted environment than our ancestors . Air, water and noise pollutions makes the environment difficult to live This result in many New Era diseases such as allergies, cancers and so on. Therefore, companies should help the society by making an effort to control this pollution. They should make use of the equipments for the purification of water or air. Moreover companies itself create and use of the machines which leads to less pollution in the air. In this manner they can create an easier environment to live in.

Secondly, this large organization groups must perform the activities that create more natural environment. Such as, more plantation, development of an areas with natural surroundings i.e gardens and so on. Furthermore, they can plan in development of the cities by creating an awareness in public about the natural surroundings.

Thirdly, big companies can also support the protection of environment by making the use equipments which causes the proper disposal of waste products from their factories. In addition to this they must hire the places for disposal of waste products from the society such as dumping stations. In this manner, they can help in protection of various air and water borne diseases and can contribute an healthy environment to live in the society.

In conclusion, companies can make individual life happy and healtier in the society by creating an environment free of pollution and diseases. As well as by enhancing the natural beauty by developing the greenery surrounding everywhere.

Your intro and conclusion is too short when compared with the other parts. You need to balance the structure of your essays.
Cheers,
yin.

Great job Yvonne and Yin Tran. Yin Tran, maybe that is difficult advice to understand. Actually... I think another sentence might be nice in both the intro and conclusion. Thanks, everyone, for posting!!

Thanks everyone for your support.

To Moderator,
please I am little confused about my this essay. I suddenly realized that its going off the topic. So please could you suggest me something regarding this.

Well this seems to go well with the title... With TOEFL, I assume you are more concerned with learning proper grammar.

There is a problem with the title.. it makes me ask, "More important than what?"

Make the title like this:

Why is it important to donate money to protect the environment?

This is a good topic, and you seem to have done well.