Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


IELTS TASK 2 : It is important to keep the circuses exhibition, without using rare animals.


Niddumakhi 2 / 7 2  
Mar 17, 2015   #1
Hi, please help me to check my writing about task achievement, coherence and cohesion, lexical resource, and grammatical range and accuracy.

Some countries have laws that prohibit animas being used in circuses or other forms of entertainment because it is cruel to keep animals in an environment that can cause them stress.
Should all countries have laws to prevent animals being used in circuses and similar forms of entertainment?

Animals need to live in natural environment. As per some experts, they say that circuses can create stress for the animals since the natural resources go out from their natural habitat. From my point of view. I believe that the government in every country should come up with the role to protect the animals for being become extinct.

...
gauravwalia1988 - / 14 4  
Mar 17, 2015   #2
I believe thatAa nimals need to live in natural environment because it a god's gift to them . As per some experts, theyEven experts say that circuses can create stress for the animals since theyare deprived of resources which are abundandtly available in natural habitatsgo out from their natural habitat . From my point of view.I believe thattT he governments in everyall countriescountry should come up with the rolestrategies to protect the animals for being becometo go extinct.

NowadaysIt is the time when the governments should make a role to protect the animals from exploitation since some animals need to do the natural reproduction cycles . For instance, taking a tiger from the wildits den with an aim to create spectacular circuses can cause gradual dwindling of its species if not checked ], by catching from the natural habitat step-by-step can bring this animals become in danger condition as they cannot do the reproduction cycles . As a result, the role of animals protection is so important to create the animals become exist on the future ensure animals exist even in future.

However, this does not mean that the circuses should be closed. Firstly, by seeing visiting
the circuses, the students can get m ore knowledge as children can learn about the size, shape, colour and origin of these animals. Also, the animals can entertain many people with the amazing attractionskills , and it will helps the viewers to diminish their stress. Not only this, the circuses performing can bring an income for the animals trainers .

To conclude, it seems to me that by creating a regulation for protecting the animals from exploitation can help thethese poor animals from the dangerous condition, but the animals explorationexhibition such as the circuses have many advantages to some people. Afterwards, it is important to keep the circuses exhibition, without using rare animals.

Tip: If you are preparing for TOEFL, please do not stay neutral. you began your argument against circus shows but at the end you starting favoring circus. Please either stay positive or negative but do not mix.
OP Niddumakhi 2 / 7 2  
Mar 17, 2015   #3
Hi Mr Gauravwalia1998

Thanks for your correction, I am trying this for IELTS preparation
and I will try to repair my false in the next writing, thanks

regards,
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Mar 17, 2015   #4
Animals need to live in natural environment. As per some experts, they say that circuses can create stress for the animals since the natural resources go out from their natural habitat. From my point of view. I believe that the government in every country should come up with the role to protect the animals for being become extinct.

It needs more focus on how to align this intro closely with the prompt given. Let's give a try:
Animals need to live in wildlife sanctuary. For this reason, the idea of animals should be kept in cages and used in circuses or other entertainment events is not the most valued by some people. However, some countries are less likely to enforce the laws to avoid animals being used commercially.

Nowadays, the government should make a role to protect the animals exploitation since some animals need to do the natural reproduction cycles.

I think this topic sentence is too weak to support the sentence.
Let's give a try. Supporters of this idea argue that it is a job of government to implement the law so as that animal rights are protected.

However, this does not mean that the circuses should be closedanimals should be prohibited in circuses .

It is always good to stay closely with the keyword "animals" in your topic sentence.

If this is the IELTS essay, then I want you to pay particular attention to how this is constructed. That's I have done. Next, you need to check the grammatical errors found everywhere


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : It is important to keep the circuses exhibition, without using rare animals.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳